Why I Trampled My Son

It hurts to even type right now. I'm in this in between week in my training because next week I'm off to Martha's Vineyard for a week long vacation of long walks, runs on the beach, playing in the sand, soaking up the sun, glasses of wine at sunset and MAJOR crustacean consuming. I didn't want to start one week of a new program and then leave so the powers that be over at CP have giving me the equivalent of a chef's special each day I train. I'm living in an episode of Hell's Kitchen right now. Operation Make Steph Puke is now a community building thing over there. I walk in on Tuesday and Scary informs me that my program that night is a Tony and Scary special. I was there for 2 hours. 2 hours. Granted I socialized and stalled before having to do the Brian and Tony suck circuit but still. The return of the rainbow deadlift. And then the circuit. An inverted pyramid of trapbar deadlift/pushups/medball stomps. So it was 10-1-10, 9-2-10, 8-3-10. Get the picture. In the end I did 55 pushups and deadlifts and wanted to kill myself. My upper body was so sore that I got my bra stuck on my head trying to change into my pajamas. Then today Scary and his evil protege intern that I have now named Brian Junior makes me do 10 minutes of kettlebell walks/jumping jacks and then 10 minutes (translation 10 runs) of sled sprints followed by 10 kettlebell swings. I even bought 2 25 kettlebells to take to The Vineyard with me that's how whacked out I've become.

Whacked? Let us discuss The Dead Weather. You know me, music is my battery. Without it I'd be lost. Two weeks ago during one of the Circle of Trust Training sessions in Framingham, The White Stripes come on during my glute ham raise circuit. I yell out to Scary, "I love The White Stripes." Kettlebell King yells back, "You know he started a new band with the girl from The Kills."

Right there I let out the biggest I wear curlers in my hair, wear pink fuzzy slippers, eat Ho-Hos think Franki Valli is a hot specimen of manlihood SCREAMS. I even scared Scary.

Okay, I have written about Allison before. Total girlcrush material. Love her. And Jack? I know half the time he looks like a cross between Johhny Depp in Charlie and The Chocolate Factory and Peter Brady's twin with that curly hair when Peter and the rest of the Brady men got a perm but who cares? The man is a genius.

I run home, order it off Amazon and watch them all night on You Tube. My man Jack has put together a new band with Allison on lead vocals and he is on drums. That confused me; he is a phenomenal guitarist so when I told Kettlebell King about my confusion as to why Jack is on drums and not guitar, I get this, "Because he can." Oh, why didn't I think of that?

My cd wasn't supposed to come until that Tuesday. Last Monday I had a case of um food poisoning and was in bed for most of the day watching HBO (observation here; Hilary Swank needs to find a new agent and Jerry Maguire is one of the best movies ever made.) I drag myself to pick up the kids from camp which took as much energy and effort as running a marathon and upon my return to the house see that familiar Amazon box. All of a sudden by the grace of Our Lady of Gaga, I sprint to the door, pick it up, run over Drew who was walking inside and start screaming, "My cd came early!" He looks at me and says, "You've got issues woman." Tell me something I don't know kid.

I run to my bed, plop the cd in, lay on my bed with my feet dangling off the bed because I am too tired to actually put them back on and EXPERIENCE. Notice I didn't say listen. Part blues, part rock, part moody, part in your face sucka. I drown myself in it. I gave it to my friends at Karma Coffee; they loved it and I got free coffee for my musical generosity. Everyone I have given it to loves it. I want to be Allison when I grow up. And seeing how I'm turning 38 a week from today, I'm thinking maybe I should start taking lessons on how to shake my head like hers.

And look. Last night at a friend's bday bash/fundraiser for a charity I won a free Jagermeister thong and didn't have to drink a thing. I never win anything! Vic is so incredibly proud of my accomplishment. How many almost 38 year olds can say they won a rhinestone thong with a deer and cross on it named after a truly horrible liquor? Exactly!

This clip is seriously one of the best I have ever seen. I don't know who I love more in it, Jack or Allison. Sit back and get ready for 5 minutes of pure bliss.

Car Talk

One of the reasons I quit my job was so that I could do the little things that might not seem important, but really are the gateways into our children. Like driving them around. My nanny took the kids to school every morning. After 4 weeks of taking Hansel and Gretel to camp and back, let me tell you, I have learned volumes about my two. One thing is for certain; there is no doubt that I am their mother. Here are some excerpts.

On "the emotional stuff."

Hansel: Why do guys always go for girls that are hot?

Gretel: Oh, that is so wrong. Guys should not only look to see if a girl is hot, what's more important is what is on the inside. Does she have emotions? Is she nice? It's the emotional stuff that matters. Looks don't matter but Drew if you get an ugly girlfriend, make sure she at least shaves her legs.

Mom wondering, where did they learn the word hot?

On "puberty."

1. Mom and Gretel are singing to The Ting Tings in the car and Hansel screams out, "Stop this insanity. I need manly music. If I keep listening to it I may never go through puberty."

2. Hansel is pretty obsessed with puberty this summer and discussing the signs. "So my voice will change, I will become a man and I will get hairy?"

Mom: Talk to your father about this.

Gretel: Check underneath your armpits for hair. Mom, what will happen to me when I go through puberty?

Hansel, now an expert: Your voice will change, you will become a woman but I'd ask the doctor for a pill so you won't get hairy. If you do, you can use duct tape to get the hair off your armpits.

Gretel with look of terror on her face.

On "dating."

Gretel: Why do the hot girls (Mom thinking maybe it's time to outlaw Nick at Nite due to frequent use of the words hot and chick) always go for the geeky guy who can't dress. I mean it doesn't matter what he looks like, it's what's on the inside that matters but I don't know if I could go out with someone who didn't know how to dress.

Hansel: Sure you could. Look at mom and dad.

Mom spits up coffee from laughing so hard.

On "drama."

Hansel moaning and groaning and being over the top about being hot in the car.

Mom: Stop it. Complaining isn't going to make it any better.

Hansel: I know. I just needed a little more drama in my life.

Hansel and Gretel hanging in the back seat.

On "Twilight."

Hansel: I don't get why Bella's scent was so good to Edward,

Mom: Well, there was something about her that made her so tempting to Edward. Think about the things you like, there is something about them that makes youlike them.

Hansel: Oh, I get it. Bella is like a Kit Kat Blizzard to Edward. Mmm, delicious.

Mom becoming flabbergasted while driving.

All this time in my car has led me to listen to a lot of music. Here is an old favorite song by The Wreckers aka Jessica Harp and Michelle Branch. Btw, Michelle is on Aquaman's Top 5 so sometimes when we're in the car, I'll play her really loudly and sing and give him smirky looks. Hey, she can sing, play the guitar and she's hot. Ooh, there's that word again. This song was in heavy rotation with another one of my favorites, Stand Still, Look Pretty about two years ago. If I had been blogging then one of you would have had me admitted. I just found my journal from that time and I was like, who is this ninny? Thankfully I have worked through those issues (well 99.9%; do we really ever leave any baggage?) and am now on to bigger and better issues. The best part about this clip? It's from one of my most favorite teen angst shows, One Tree Hill and, and it has that completely hot Michael guy who should have been the new Jacob Black in New Moon. Woe is me hearbreak music, clips of my One Tree Hill friends and the super hot guy? It doesn't even matter that the whole song is on it. The feast if for the eyes.

True to the core

I just got back from my MRI and while I was lying there for 45 minutes, had a lot of time to think about something that I keep coming back to.

Why do I always question things that I know in the deepest most inner part of my being are true? That are me? I'm beginning to see my breakdown/breakthrough last month as an unforeseen gift. I was wavering big time; major changes, uncertainty of what exactly my identity was going to be. And that right there is the key to beginning to understand why I had to go through what I went through. When you have a big change (career, family, personal) you begin to lose ground of what you believe and when that foundation starts to crumble, the rest of the freaking house comes down with it.

I recently had the wonderful opportunity to reconnect with one of my best friends from high school. I haven't seen her in 20 years. Within 5 minutes we were talking like we were 18 again. We talked a lot about being extremists; there is no middle ground. It's either way up high or crashing and burning at the bottom. But everyone needs a middle ground and I realize now that my middle ground is the guy that every night uses all 6 pillows in our bed and I grumble and then pull a couple out from under his head and then hit him with them. In fact last night I threatened to take pictures and write a blog about this. He has always been my lifejacket, my calming force. What's so cool about her is that she has known Vic longer than she's known me. It was so neat to get her perspective on us. "Vic, Steph, Vic is so cool. That quiet cool. I remember in eighth grade we had to bring in music that we liked and everyone came in with this totally stupid stuff and he came in with import Rolling Stones, The Allman Brothers and some blues. I remember thinking, that kid is cool." But that's not really fair to him all the time. And it's not fair to me. I need to start regulating it, if I feel one of my moments coming on to make sure I have that backpack with my parachute to soften to fall. And I think some of you know what I'm talking about. When you wake up and you are in the best mood ever; you feel light on your feet, you're smiling and when that driver cuts you off on the way to work, you're okay with it. But you see in the back of my mind I'm always thinking, when is it going to end. When is that feeling of self doubt, my dark cloud going to come over my head. I remember once Fruity being so cheery/giddy about all of the great things that were going on and pretty much saying I'm going to enjoy it now because it's not going to last. I was like Amen Sister. I have been making such an effort the past month to make those voices of doubt go out of my head. There is no need for them. After doing The Humpty Dumpty Dance last month, I know for certain who I am at the core. The things that are important to me, about me. Yeah, I know that things aren't always going to be rosy but there is no need to crash and burn on a daily basis. I will literally talk to myself and be like, "Steph, this is not you. You are so much better than this." I have my moment and then it passes.

My reunion lunch. Check out the mushroom someone please cut her hair mop. And a black tank top of course.

Still though, why do we try or question things about ourselves when there is no need to. Is it some type of external force? Friends, family, society. Or ourselves? Just so you don't think I went all intellectual on you, here are two examples of this that have to do with my hair and wardrobe. Of course.

The hair. It's always about the hair isn't it? I was going to let it grow out and when I tell you the last 2 weeks have been complete hell. I have incredibly thick hair and a ton of it. It was not a pretty picture growing out(evidence above.) I walked in on Tuesday to see Brian and said, "We're going to have fun today; cut it off and let's go lighter." I feel like myself again. I am a short hair person. I feel more energetic, more spunky and more Steph when it's short. Yet why, why do I always try to grow it out? Is it because 99% of the female population has long hair? That there are umpteen magazine articles about why men prefer longer hair on woman. Like I care. My favorite part is that women come up to me and say "I love your hair but I'm so scared to cut mine short." Fear is evil. It is an inhibitor to pursuing dreams, unlocking secrets and major discoveries. Especially about your hair. It's hair. It will grow back. I will probably let it grow a little longer in the winter but you will probably never see me with a ponytail. In no way am I saying that short hair is better. If l liked long hair on me then I would have long hair. That's the point; stick with what is you.

If you look in my closet, 99% of the clothes are black. Same with the shoes. But not the handbags. I have always worn black. I feel most comfortable, most me in it. On a rare occasion I will wear a color or a print. People are shocked. "Stephanie, you look so great in that color." Maybe, but I don't feel like me. So the other day I went shopping with the idea in mind that I would try to buy something in color. I left Nordstroms with a black tank top. Why do I keep trying to find happiness in color and prints when I am perfectly content with my 44 black shirts. I KNOW my style; yes I like designer duds but am a minimalist; simple structured, dark colors. No sequins or chains or rhinestones. I tried on this killer sundress at Lucky; wild print in white/orange/brown/maroon. It looked awesome. The woman was like, get it. But I couldn't. You know why? I would have worn it once, seen some chick in a black sundress and have been like, why did I get this. I ended up back at Nordstroms-you know they should really pay me for advertising-with a dark teal very simple Matty B sundress. Not black. The color is non color enough it fits perfectly. Simple. I guess the title of my blog is pretty appropriate; Simply Steph.

One of my most favorite artists is Sia. Aside from having this soul/bluesy/torch song voice she is 100% true to herself. And kooky? She is my idol of kookiness. She is 100% herself. She doesn't try to be that way; she just is. As a mom, there are so many things that I want for my kids but the most important one would be to always believe in yourself, know who you are and stand up for the things that are most important to you and that you believe in. Okay, that was more than one. These things though all have to same message; be true to your core. Like this amazing one below.

How I almost smeared ice cream all over my face in public and more Scary wisdom (cough, cough.....)

Today I had xrays taken of my left ankle which hasn't been the same quite frankly since April 2007. Later this week I will have an MRI. My doctor was preparing me for the fact that I might be in a boot of some sort for a couple of weeks and will have to make adjustments to my training. I told Scary this today and this is what I got. No, oh Steph I'm so sorry to hear that.

"Steph, you do have another leg and two arms. You will still do what I say."

And that dear readers is why he no longer goes by his first name and will forever be known as Scary.

I am approaching the end of week 4 of part 1 of Scary Training and overall I am pretty pleased. My clothes are looser, I have more energy, I feel better and, and I am even surprising myself in the gym. Today was the last time I did Day 1 of this program. The first time I did it I could barely get 6 sets of all the death circuits in and looked like someone had beaten me up with a kettlebell. Pain and agony. A heart attack sounded like a good option. Today, I added sets from last week. 12 sets of one. 12. That's double. I went in with a fantastic defeatist attitude, "There's no way I can add sets from last week." Scary says, "Yes you can." I told him no way. And then fate intervened. Roger, awesome intern Roger put in The Best of The Smashing Pumpkins (I don't know maybe Scary told him to; nah) and that got my head in it. Roger was looking at me like, "Look at her she's in the Zone." At the end, I was pretty damn proud of myself and walked over to Scary feeling pretty good, thinking maybe, maybe I'll get a compliment out of it. "I told you you could do it, now admit it, I was right." Were my ears deceiving me? I was so ready for a "Steph you almost passed out the first week and look what you've done." Thinking maybe a high five or a gold star or something. No, this guy wants me to actually admit he was right and I was wrong. And this after I gave him this awesome tee shirt for his birthday.

Enough about Scary; more on our nutritional consult part 2 later.

Earlier this month, Vic and I went to TW Food in Cambridge for our anniversary. We had a phenomenal meal. Everything is organic and from local vendors. It's got this small, cozy atmosphere and they play great jazz. I had seen that they had a wine series (and my friend who had recommended we go there raves about them.) I have a new appreciation for food now that things like greek yogurt and broccoli are staples in my diet and knew immediately that I had to go back to there pronto. The great thing about TW is that everything is as fresh as can be. Gourmet dining at it's purest. Last night's wine series theme was Germany. If you live in the Boston area you MUST go. For $49 per person it was a 4 course meal with 4 wine pairings. Who knew those Germans could make wine?

Now I am the first to admit, I don't know a whole lot about wine other than how to drink it. Swallow, fill up the glass, repeat. I viewed last night not only as a culinary experience but also educational. I went with my friend Carl who was equally as interested in learning about the regions etc. This thrilled our wine lady. He asked her a question (and it was really good, so good I forgot what it was-you have to understand I was distracted sitting there trying to think of a good question but my one reference for Germany that kept coming back to my head was that scene in European Vacation when Chevy Chase is at the beer drinking festival dressed up like a lost relative of Peter Pan) and she wasn't sure of the answer so she went to get an encyclopedia of wine. She brought it back to our table and showed us maps and stuff. While she was explaining grapes and locations I'm looking at the damn map thinking, "Where is Berlin?" Geography, not my strong suit.) Our interest paid off; I don't think they were supposed to but they refilled our glasses a couple of times. It was with this Pinot Noir that was out of this world. But the star here was not the wine; it was the food.

I won't get into everything but this amazing salad (and yes Scary it had an egg on it) followed by mushroom spaetzle. I still don't know what spaetzle is but I came close to stuffing one up my nose it was so good. Then we had a cheese platter (I love cheese) followed by dessert. It was some type of peach cake with kirshen? vanilla bean ice cream. I took one bite and looked at him and said, "This is so good I want to smear it all over my face." Now looking back, I'm not sure what the advantage would have been of having ice cream all over my face but I kind of wish I had done it because that would have been the best picture ever. And yes I have another trip planned at the end of August with friends whom I am absolutely certain would not mind if I sat there and gave myself an ice cream facial. These friends might even join.....

There was a point to this. Oh yeah, if you're going to go out to eat, do it right. This weekend's field trip; Blue Ginger with my favorite shopping partner and her husband (and mine too.) Ming's butterfish is to die for.

So my little quest to be more size 2/4 than 4/6 inspired a new three visit nutritional consultation at CP. I asked that front desk guy if it could be named after me and he considered it until I came up with The Midget Combo and I guess that's not what he was looking for. I'm taking suggestions. So today was visit #2 with Scary. I really should have taped it for the following exchange. I gave Scary my 3 day food log that I had done at the beginning of all of this (due to vacations etc-the etc being me forgetting my food log to one scheduled appt-we couldn't meet until today.) Imagine me sitting there in the office with Scary reading it and taking notes and Tony shirtless at the computer. That picture right there would have been better than the one of me with ice cream all over my face. I was like, "Tony, I don't want to see you shirtless." He was like, "I just finished training and of course you want to see me shirtless." I should have thrown my water bottle at him right then and there. I guess these are the "perks" I get being CP's most tenured client (yes at the end of this month will mark the three year anniversary of my training with Eric.) Gee, what's next? Skivvie training?

Seriously, here is what I took away from today's meeting:

1) Eat a bigger breakfast; don't let my protein be only in the form of a powder. Many days I will have a protein shake with some fruit in it. Scary wants me to make it with greek yogurt and add a few nuts.

2) Eat greek yogurt twice a day. I have major GI issues and this will help with the digestive stuff.

3)Eat fruits and/or veggies at every meal including snacks. I am digging Trader Joe's Turkey Jerky but Scary wants me to add a few baby carrots or a stalk of celery with it.

4)My popcorn dream was shortlived (thanks a lot for that false dream Kevin) Adios Orville........

Then came my favorite part.

I have to eat something at night. Okay, used to be Snyders or Mr. M&M or Monseur Oreo or someone really evil. So I'm thinking Sugar/Fat Free Kozy Shack pudding is a welcome change. It is but not every night.

"Brian, I have to have something at night."

"I am fine with that but it needs to be real food. Kozy Shack is okay once in awhile but instead try one of my recipe snacks (think different combination yogurt/cottage cheese with protein powder) or grab an egg and hummus."

An egg? Are you freaking serious? Dude, you obviously have never PMSd. Trust me an egg aint going to take the place of chocolate pudding even if it is fat free sugar free.

"You knew this wasn't going to be easy. You have done really good so far (ooh, was that a compliment?)"

And once again he is right (I'll never be able to live this one down.) This is a lifestyle change kind of plan. I have learned so much (like do you know you can create your own protein powder-doing that after I finish writing.) And here's the thing; its working. I feel so much better. I have more energy. I am happier. And my 27 Paige jeans fit again! Mr. Egg here I come!I love you, you're so white and round. Give me a hug!

And arrest that Keebler guy; he is BAD NEWS.

The Harry Potter Death Circuit

I have taken a brief hiatus from my Twilight obsession (though today Heidi totally cracked up when we were at Nordstroms-in the lingerie department no less-when my friend Jess called me and Decode by Paramore starts BLASTING through the aisles of panties and bras.  Yes, one of my new ringtones is Decode) and have turned my attention to Harry Potter.  Yes, I love the Harry Potter series.  

I trained yesterday and it was Scary's first day back from vacation so I knew I had to prove myself because even though he heard from me and other people how well I did last week his exact words were I believe, "we'll see."  SCARY/TONY FOOD DISCLAIMER:  EGG WHITE OMELETTES NOT ON APPROVED LIST.  I love it how I get beat (little egg humor there) by The Food Patrol for writing about how I ate an egg white omelette.  Yes, you guessed it, "Eat the whole egg Steph."  When in doubt, eat the whole egg.  I'm trying, I'm trying.  I actually need to ask them about eggs vs egg whites.  I'm wondering (out loud here) if on days I don't train the egg white would be okay?  I'm training with them 3x a week, and doing something else every day; running, speed work and I have been trying new things.  I took a Zumba class on Monday and LOVED it.  Hip hop, salsa, meringe, flamenco and belly dancing.  And it was so much fun!  They are actually very helpful and really re-teaching me so much about food.  It's not like I walk in and have to give a urine sample to test for carbs or Diet Coke or anything.  And btw, my Ellie Tahari size 2 skirt which one month ago would have taken a tribal looking dance of thrashing my body on the bed trying to squeeze it on, now fits.  And it'll fit even better in a few weeks.

Scary and Tony like myself are both huge Harry Potter fans and Tony didn't believe that I actually do own a Sorting Hat and Nimbus 2000 broomstick.  I walk in yesterday with both and Tony and I look at each other with the same, "We are totally going to do a HP death circuit" while that Cressey guy shook his head and said, "You people are weird."  I think he just had some serious broom envy.

So here is what Day of of Session 1 of OSS.  Remember, the goal here is not building strength (though I am getting stronger) the emphasis is on fat loss.  Scary even put it on his own BSP Training paper to add extra terror in me.  Look at how sweaty it is.

A1)  Walking DB lunges 4 sets of 6-have had these many times.  Not too scary.

A2) Standing 1-arm cable rows 4 sets of 8-same as above.   Not shaking yet.

The following are reps of 6 to be done as many as possible in 10 minutes.

B1) Plate loaded front squat

B2)Renegade Row

It's about 4 minutes into this that I start hating life.  Hating life.  The renegade rows are the killer here; imagine being in a front plank/pushup position and alternate bringing up weights.  In one week I went from 7 sets to 10 and this week added an eleventh.  And wanted to puke.

The following are reps of 6 exercise to be done as many as possible in 10 minutes.

C1) Push press

C2 )med ball floor slams

It's the push press that is horrible.  From week 1-2 I added three sets.  Three.  I basically have to push up this bar.  Doesn't sound too bad until about the 8th set when I have spaghetti arms.

But this week we added the Nimbus 2000 box squats.  

I make a cute little witch don't I complete with running skirt.  Note to self, running skirt might be good for a witch in training but not for the death circuits.

D) Bike intervals 6 sets of 30s hard x 90 s easy.  By set 6 I want to send a deatheater after the CP staff.

They are encouraging.  The interns are awesome at coming over and cheering me on, checking in on me and correcting me if I'm doing something wrong.  Dumbledee and Dumbledore have perfected the art of yelling pointer across the gym (I'm getting more stick that back butt rather than the usual arch your back.)

Right now the kids and I are watching HP and The Order of The Phoenix to prepare for seeing Half Blood Prince this weekend.

Yeah, the chicks in these movies?  Not some whining, weak, helpless things.  These girls rock.  And have a mean wand.  Now that's an accessory I need to get.

Just how dedicated is the staff at CP?  Scary and Tony are coming with Drew and I to see Harry Potter on Saturday.  I'm not kidding, we had like a 20 minute conversation yesterday about HP.  These two are die hards.  I personally think they are coming to make sure that I don't eat the movie theater popcorn.  It'll be me and Orville (I would just like to say that I have been waiting for this movie for 18 months and the fact that I who LOVE movie theater popcorn will be bringing my own says volumes thank you very much-and you know those two will be eating beef jerky.)

Time for music selection of the day.  Natalie Merchant.  I haven't listened to her in awhile but today was in a totally Natalie Mood and when I was picking up all of my purchases at Nordstroms today (I really did look like I was doing farmer walks with all of my bags) heard Natalie.  This song is one of her most saddest and most beautiful.  It is set to a video depicting the beautiful friendship between Hermione and Harry (yes I sound totally nerdy right now, deal.)  We all know that her true love is Ron but these two have always had a real friendship from the first book; they support one another, disagree, laugh and most importantly always, you guessed it, show up for each other.  I applaud JK Rowling for giving kids, and adults, such a great example of an inter gender (is that even a word), guy/girl friendship.  I never once wanted Hermione and Harry to get together.  Because when Hermione looks at Ron, she's got that look, that look that says volumes but is silent.  Kind of like the look Bella gives Edward...............see, I didn't forget about my favorite couple.  Think I'll listen to some My Bloody Valentine tonight.

Operation StephSpeed: The Nutritional Consult

I've been wanting to write this for awhile but that damn Breaking Dawn book (750 page and now add in rereading Harry Potter before I see the move and catching up on True Blood) is taking up my time.  And I guess my 3 trips to Nordstroms too.....

So, this week I will go over each day of training in what I have decided to call Operation StephSpeed.  You see, some of the the training is loosely based on the WarpSpeed Fat Loss program, ie what I lovingly refer to as the death circuits.  Many CP clients have done WarpSpeed (including Scary) and had fantastic results.  Side note here; if your "training team;" nutritional people, trainers etc have never done some of the things they are asking you to do then dump them and get new ones.  Also, if they're not reading, attending seminars, continuing their education etc, get a new one.  All the coaches I know; they are continuously reading, attending workshops etc.  They may not agree with everything they read or hear but they are soaking up all of the information out there and deciding what they can use and not use with their clients. I used to hate it when I went to Weight Watchers years ago and the group leader would be like 20 pounds overweight.  Or, the trainers at the gym who don't train themselves.  The entire staff at CP (even that front desk guy) actually follow these nutritional guidelines (truth be told, a couple of them could loosen up once in awhile about some of them; I'm working on that) and train.  Scary not only practices what he preaches but also has endured a Danny Verna death circuit and yes that is on Day 2 of my program, it actually says Danny Verna death circuit or medball circuit.  I will have my first DV death circuit this Thursday night when the Thursday Night FRAM crew reunites.   Bring it on Verna.  Another goal out of all of this is that I actually regain some of my speed.  In a few minutes I will venture to the track to attack the speed program I asked Eric to write for me.  See, the last time I did speed work religiously (we're talking over 2 years ago) I actually did get faster so am hoping for similar results.  I have decided to run the BAA Half Marathon in October and this year am running with a time goal. No more of this running aimlessly crap.  (Editorial note; I don't heart the 4x200m sprints.  Not at all.  And Steph, why did you go around noon when the sun was at it's cruelest?)

Step 1 in OSS was meeting with Brian for a nutritional consult. In fact, I even inspired a new 3 time consult at CP (usually it was just one.)  I'm getting a little tired of explaining to people why I have decided to do this because people are like, "you've run three marathons, you're in great shape, you're so little,  blah, blah, blah."  Okay, reality check, I am in better shape now that I was at the height of my marathon training only after two weeks of this and can't wait to see where I am in 3 weeks.  The CP crew is always saying you don't run to get fit, you get fit to run or something like that.  When I sat down with Brian I told him that I guessed I weighed about 10 pounds more than I did 2 years ago and that I wasn't going to hop on a scale every day and obsess if OMG I am up half a pound than the previous day.  I want to scream, go Elwell every time I hear woman bitch about "Well, today I weight 8 more ounces than I did yesterday."  I made it clear that I didn't want to be a slave to the scale, that I would determine my progress by how my clothes fit (and yeah, they are already looser) and my progress in the gym but MOST importantly, how I felt.  He completely agreed.  I have curves and plan to keep them (well most of them) because you know what I am latin and women are supposed to have curves, hence that's why we are women.  In the past week I have happened to be standing next to a lot of Lollipop Girls; you know the short girls that have the body of a 12 year old boy; in fact I am pretty sure they are wearing boy's jeans.  No hips, no butt (no chest either) and looking mighty smug about it with their big Lollipop head (the head looks bigger because everything is so small.)  I wanted to say, "Dude, I could suitcase deadlift both of you. Grow a butt."  Okay, not very nice of me.  You know what, everyone has different goals, different ideas of ideal and I shouldn't judge.  I just don't get why so many women are so scared to build muscle.  I'm not going for Hewoman satus here.  I am a huge fan of Nike' s ads for women and love that these legs  are what they want women to achieve.  STRENGTH.  MUSCLE.  In the words of Tony; TOTAL AWESOMENESS.

Of course I accidentally found out how much I weighed when I went to get some blood work done and I was close; I have gained 8 pounds in the past 2 years.  And just how did that happen?

Mr. Snyder. You see I ate relatively healthy.  Protein shake for breakfast, greek yogurt, string cheese and a bag of pretzels (see where this is going?) for lunch, some type of fruit for a snack, lots of take out for dinner (but typically salads etc) and then the snack attacks began.  Between teaching full time, being mom/wife, training etc I would sit down to do my work around 9:00 at night and would literally eat to keep myself awake.  I am guessing I took in at least 1/3 of my calories in the form of Mr. Snyder at night.  Last June which was so beautifully chronicled in my daily breakdowns/breakthroughs here; HORRIBLE!  Exercise?  Walking on the treadmill.  Meals? I knew I hit my all time low when I had a Twinkie and Twizzlers for breakfast followed by a dinner of a two bags of popcorn and gummi bears.  I know, WTF Steph?  That's when I knew, it just clicked.  Time for a shock to the system.  But looking back, the entire month of June happened for so many reasons.   When you hit the depths of eating Hostess for breakfast and feeling like you can't breathe you are so overwhelmed, there is no where to go but up.

I really wish I had had my camera with me to chronicle the BSP faces I got during this 45 minute consult (and BSP is really a very nice person who just happens to like to inflict pain, but the good kind of hurt, on his clients and honestly, I really like just calling him Scary.)  It wasn't so much of what I was doing that was bad (but, shock, Mr. Snyder; he is bad), it was the what I had to do and me bringing all of my previous WW knowledge (or rather stupidity) and remember, I lost 70 pounds with WW after both of my pregnancies, and total propaganda that we women read in magazines and see on television that brought me the faces.

First thing Brian told me; eat protein with every meal.

Wow, that is so un WW.  See WW was by points and calories.  Why eat a handful of almonds when you could eat almost 3 100 calorie Oreo packs for the same calories?  

 There is no calorie counting on this plan (though in my head I kind of keep track.)  My new BFFs are greek yogurt, egg whites, cottage cheese, chicken, salmon, eggs, almond butter, cheese and beef jerky with some protein powder and bars and almonds.  Next week I will try to incorporate some shrimp, turkey sausage and grass-fed beef.  And sadly, hummus is not a protein but is on the BSP approved list of condiments.

Next thing, eat more frequently but don't graze.  Which reminds me of the great Skinny Cow part of our consultation that went something like this:

"I am going to need some kind of dessert."

"Cozy Shack No Sugar pudding is okay once in awhile.  Try some cottage cheese with protein powder and berries instead (or something like that.)

Frown. "What about the Skinny Cow products?"

"What's Skinny Cow?"

"Skinny Cow is a line of low fat and low calorie frozen dessert items.

Credit to Brian; we searched on the computer.  Not sold at all.

"You need to eat real food."

"That is real food."

"Steph, if you can't hunt it you can't eat it."  Or shouldn't.  Either way, you get the point.  Stay away from things in packages as best as you can.

Readers, if you see a skinny cow grazing around a field with a size 32 DD chest and Pippi Longstocking ears, call me asap.  I found me a skinny cow to hunt.

Third thing; always, always eat breakfast.  I usually do but sometimes skip because I felt so bloated after my Mr. Snydermarathon the night before.  Now, I am freakin starving when I wake up.  Skipping breakfast is just not an option.

Carbs?  In the form of things like sweet potatoes, vegetables (like every vegetable imaginable), quinoa, Ezekial products. NOTHING WHITE.  And ideally to be eaten post training.  Moment of silence please; I, Sassy Spice, have not eaten a pretzel in 2, count them 2 weeks.  I think that deserves, um, at least a manicure or something.  But, but, there is always a but with me.  I told Scary, I have to have one "real meal" a week ( and remember the first 4-6 weeks will be he harshest in terms of losing the Mr. Snyder 8, which I'm guessing is now down to the Mr. Snyder 5) and he agreed and said, "I don't want you to be that person who at the bbq everyone rolls their eyes at because you say no bun."  Ask my family, I rarely eat the bun Scary.  Last night we went to The North End and yes I did order an Antico Forno pizza with shrimp and arugula but only ate half of it.  

My favorite part of the consult, "Let's talk about the socializing."  Who, me enjoy a drink while socializing?

(This picture kills me every time.  Every time.)

I told him, I'm not the kind of person who has a glass of wine every night, in fact I typically only enjoy a "spirit" (okay maybe spirits) on the weekend.  Scary said that was fine and I could do that once a week.  And, and it could be whatever I wanted; wine or beer or a girly drink.  I think the important thing here is drink not drinks.  I almost hugged him for that one.  Almost.

And then the part that almost killed me right there in the CP office.  No more Diet Coke.

No, Scary, no, don't take away my DC.  Not the DC.  Oh it got better.  One Splenda a day.  Stake in the heart right there.  I used to put like 2-3 in my coffee.  That one was going to kill me.  I laugh about it; I basically am eating very little sugar, goodbye m&ms, goodbye Keebler Elf, goodbye Pillsbury Doughboy, goodbye Senor Snyder and I cry about the Diet Coke.  I am drinking a lot of seltzer.  A lot.  I have limited myself to one fountain Diet Coke a week.  Yes people, a treat for me now is going to Target and getting a Diet Coke.  I know he'll have an issue with it but you're talking to someone who used to drink 2-3 a day.  1 a week is progress in my book. 

The first two weeks went pretty well.  I have learned to always, always plan.  I pack my lunch if I am going to be out.  I have also learned that you have to be flexible.  We went away last weekend and everyone wanted to go to The Spaghetti Shed for dinner.  Wow, guess what they basically serve?  I did the best I could.  The next morning everyone wanted to go out for a big breakfast.  While pancakes and waffles were being consumed around me I got an eggwhite omelette with broccoli, mushrooms and peppers and was completely satisfied.  I had a tough night this past week; I have a feeling I didn't eat enough so broke down and had a bag of 100 calorie popcorn but felt so much better after I saw that Kevin Larrabee of The Fit Cast (and former CP intern) wrote a blog about if you're going to cheat do it with this and YES! it was the EXACT same popcorn I had consumed.  Thanks for taking that guilt away Kevin.  And I'm still waiting for my tee shirt thank you.

At the end of two weeks I feel better, have more energy and according to a few people (and thanks for the compliments guys-you can keep them coming) you can already see the difference.  The Steph Tune Up has begun.  You know you've made progress when you are craving dessert and you come out of the kitchen with a kiwi and small piece of stilton cheese from Trader Joe's.

But, last but of the post I promise.  Moderation, everything is in moderation.  I am a foodie; I love nothing more than to go to new restaurants and try new things. I will save my indulgences for indulgences that are completely worthy it (say like the pizza at Antico Forno.) Or the cupcakes at Sugar.  But will you not see me and SnyderMan getting down and dirty again.

Well, back to reading.  Don't you just love this picture?  Let us not forget that Robert Pattinson aka Edward of Twilight fame did play Cedric Diggory in HP and The Goblet of Fire.  Twilight and HP in one picture; I think I'm gonna cry........

 And have no issues about being a turkey jerky loving, HP, Twilight Loser.  None at all.

Level 2 Breakthrough

OMG, I'm so hungry, therefore I will write.  Scary told me, "You're going to be hungry sometimes."  This would be one of those times.  Btw, Feliz Cumpleanos Scary Coach!  I will wait until next week to go over the hell on earth training you have put me on (no, that I voluntarily signed up for) because it wouldn't be fair to discuss and show pretty pictures without you actually there looking at the stopwatch yelling, "Come on, you've got 2 more minutes pick it up."  The programs are set up so that my A circuit is traditional lifting stuff like deadlifts, CSR (chest supported rows) etc and then B and C are these horrendous 10 minute blocks of anabolic hell (think mountain climbers, burpees etc) followed by a D of something equally horrible as sled sprints of 6 sets of medball circuit.  Usually around minute 4 of Circuit B is when the "I hate you Brian" rants start flying out of my mouth.  His response; he smiles his evil smile and tells me to go faster.  I typically spend 90 minutes.  Just a sneak peek at the nutritional aspect of this; greek yogurt, cottage cheese, chicken, quinoa, more fruits and veggies than I could possibly list, Ezekial products, eggs, almonds, avocado, salmon, protein powder.  I haven't had chocolate in 10 days.  10 days.  No diet beverages, one Splenda a day.  I should seriously buy stock in Poland Springs; seltzer is my new best friend. Today:  greek you]gurt with blueberries and 2 tbsp of low fat almond granola, 5 mile run, one serving of cottage cheese and banana, carrots/celery with 2 tbsp of hummus (he's totally shaking his head because I like to measure), a salad with grilled chicken, peppers, broccoli, fat free feta, tomatoes and grapes with 2 tbsp (there goes that measuring) low fat dressing.  My dessert?  String cheese with 2 tbsp (gee, I really like 2 tbsp huh?) of almonds.  Throw in my fish oil and Vitamin D and wait.....did I really have string cheese and almonds for dessert?  What is the world coming to?  

I'll tell you what the world is coming to.  Everything Twilight.  I am dead serious.  I had the biggest breakthrough this weekend.  I'm not ready to talk about it yet because it literally was so shake the foundation that I walk on huge that I am still trying to process.  I have to thank my friend Leslie because it was her one question about Twilight to me that opened the gates to what I think could be the project and experience of a lifetime.  But you see, I knew that all of the the breakdowns that I was going through last month was leading up to something.  Something positive.  Now I have my answer.

I just started the 4th and final book, Breaking Dawn.  FYI, New Moon comes out November 20th and you know I will see it on November 20th.

Ahh, Jacob and Edward.  A little preview here, my huge creative breakthrough came when asked which team was I on, Jacob or Edward (I know none of you will be able to go to sleep not knowing what my answer was.)  Truth be told, I'm on Team Michael as in Michael Caron.  You see he used to be on One Tree Hill (a fave tv show and yet more evidence that I am a 37 year old stuck in a the mentality of a 15 year old girl) and was rumored to play Jacob in New Moon.  Sadly, he is not but as I told Heidi, a fellow Twilight fanatic, one look at him and I was like, "Jacob and Edward who?"  Umm, total, total specimen of everything right here.

I think I just drooled on my MacBook.  Really.

Evidence that I have Twilight issues (could go but won't go into my other issues because that could take hours and I need to get back to reading Breaking Dawn.)

1.  I have read 2 600+ page books in less than a week.

2.  On the way to and from NH this weekend, the kids and I watched Twilight.  Oh, and the three of us also watched the special dvd with special features while in NH.

3.  On my 15th wedding anniversary, my loving husband sat for at least 30 minutes while I ranted on and on about the series and even agreed to watch the movie that night.  

4.  I am trying to pre-order the new Edward and Bella Barbie dolls when they come out this fall (ooh, think the Edward one will bite?)

5.  I listen to Decode by Paramore (on the soundtrack) at least 15 times a day.  Amelia and I watch the video at least once a day.

6.  I have downloaded a lot of Muse ( and truth be told I had some Muse already) because their music is what Stephenie Meyer listened to while writing.

7.  I was showing major self control at the Nordstroms Private Preview Sale on Monday (you must be a Level 2 customer to get invited.  Just what is a level 2 customer you ask?  I honestly am not sure and as Vic said, "I don't even want to know."  I like to look at it as level 2 being all about helping the economy.)  It's like a shopper's dream come true.  They take you behind these curtains (think Oz) and you get to choose firsthand the things that will be on sale.  Showed major restraint in shoes; left with just an order for boots (well, they are Stuart Weitzman) and some uber cool flip flops.  Here is a picture of our shoe purchases.

I was doing good until we went to the handbag/accessories section.  Umm, left with orders for 2 bags but, and this is a huge but, it was meant to be.  One is from designer Junior Drake and it was this funky blueish/grayish color.  The woman is writing up my order and she says, "And the color is Twilight."  MAJOR GIRL SCREAMS HEARD THROUGHOUT THE STORE.  Twilight?  Are you serious?  Heidi looks at me and screams, "It was fate.  You had to have that bag."  

See, I'm not going crazy.  The handbags are speaking to me in Vampire.  What were the odds that I would buy a bag in the color Twilight?  Exactly.

Did I really just write an entire blog about shopping and Twilight?   By George, I did!  It's kind of nice to be trivial and shallow again after being the messenger of doom, heartbreak and gloom for the past month.

Now, I think there are some misconceptions about me out there.  I have been called high maintenance many times and I think that is unfair.  Sure I like nice things but I can also slum it.  I mean today I wore Target camouflage shorts and my Silversun Pickups shirt all day.  Some friends are planning on going camping and were shocked when I said I would go to.  In fact, they were texting each other all morning imagining me in the wild.  Apparently this image makes people laugh.  Hello, I can rough it.  I mean look at this picture here taken this weekend during a hike (Amelia looked at me and said in total disbelief, "Mom, you have Keens???").  I have no make up on, let my hair air dry and have cotton shorts and a Sia shirt on.  And there's a waterfall in the background (extra points for pictures of nature.) 

Think my tent will have Wii-Fi?

I leave you with an acoustic version of Decode; unbelievable.