Okay, this is one of the most stupid things I have ever seen. To quote one of my favorite bloggers, like punch you in the face stupid.
Is it a water bottle? Is it a dumbbell?
It is DUMB! Like as in water bottle/dumbell dumb! Seriously, the guy who created this must have been beat up by some chick who could bench press 300.
This dear readers is the water bottle that also works as your weight. Yes. It's made specifically for "girls" who can only handle such light weight (sorry brother but I am willing to bet money that while nursing my kids one of my bottles on my "rack" weighed more than this.) You can drink out of it as you work out so that your weight DECREASES with each rep. Bloody brilliant.
I mean, do people REALLY think that women are only capable of lifting this weight? My pomegranate martini last night weighed more than this. Let's back up as to why I am just so incensed (ooh, new blog word.)
So yesterday I ran 16 miles. They were slow and steady but everything worked and I felt good at the end. I had plans to meet Heidi and Jessica, two of my co-workers, at Tempo in Waltham. You know Tempo; home of the polenta fries. After playing Nurse Steph to a sick friend (hey, next year I'll actually have the time to make homemade soup for sick friends; heck I might even raise some chickens or something) I was ready to eat and drink. Heidi's hubby Nick decided to join us; brave man he is. We had a fantastic meal as always and I was so touched when they told me how much they were going to miss me next year and that they want to pick one day a month to meet for dinner and drinks. "Of course" I screamed! We were going to go to The Skellig afterwards but Heidi had mentioned this scary biker bar that did kareoke and we were like say no more! Nick shook his head.
We get to the bar and they only do kareoke on Thursdays but decide to stay for a drink. Readers, the name of this fine establishment is Rendezvous. Need I say more? I, Snow Latte, was on the lighter side of the population. They even had a Keno machine. I was all over playing Keno then realized, I don't know how to play Keno. We plan to go back on a night that I can sing some old school Madonna (btw, can we say major plastic surgery on that face right now.)
I woke up the next morning hungry and not sore. The thought of doing more cardio after running 16 mile made me sick so I decided to lift at my old gym.
Let me preface this by saying that I have learned a tremendous amount from Eric, Tony and Brian over the past few years but I still have a ton to learn. I was telling Brian on Friday that I feel so much weaker right now; I'm not able to deadlift weights I had smashed in the fall. Tony used some big word to describe this but translation is; you'll be on maintenance until the marathon. There is a piece of me that can't wait until this marathon is over so I can get my strength back.
I walk in with my CP sweatshirt and tee shirt. Tons of machines, a good selection of free weights but no real rack with a bar or anything. I make up a program in my head; one arm rows 3x8, back lunges 3x8, bicep thingies 3x8, one arm things where you squat then push up with one arm (there is major cringing going on while I write this) and then Pallof press 3x8 and Xband walks 3x8. Not bad for making it up on the spot!
I grab a set of 30 pound weights for my first set. The two guys lifting next to me look at me like, "Is she serious?" The two women lifting (5 and 10 pound weights and doing tricep work-are you ready to puke yet?) next to me look at me like I'm a She-Man for attempting it. I should have like scratched myself someplace inappropriate and spit somewhere at that point.
As I work through my program I can see out of the corner of my eye some of the trainers and other people lifting looking at me (especially during the one arm push the weight up thingies.) I have my iPod on loud and playing hardcore Smashing Pumpkins stuff like Bodies, Zero and Ava Adore. The music playing in the weight room? Tony Orlando, Neil Diamond and others. The oldies station. I like some oldies. But not while lifting. Okay, people give Tony a lot of flak about playing techno and some of the stuff that plays at CP I'm always like, "This song sucks, change the music" but no one dares to put on "These Boots are Made for Walking" while deadlifting. And let's get this straight; I've got a ways to go but the color of my weights were not the color of Pepto Bismol like the chicks lifting next to me. Ooh, and purple too. Like Barney purple. If they continue to lift like this they will look like Barney.
While I'm minding my own business some guy comes over to me and says, "You train at Cressey Performance?" I nod, "I've trained there or rather with Eric Cressey since he first came to Boston. I'm a runner and training for my third Boston Marathon." He's impressed. "You're running the marathon? That's awesome. I go to L-S and all of my friends train over there. I didn't know he trained girls too." News Alert! Cressey Performance actually trains girls. No. They train real women who can lift, squat and press and then put on their designer jeans and go for pedicures. Yes, we are awesome.
I knew the Pallof press and X band walks would put some of my gawkers over the edge. The Pallof Press did for sure. Even my old boss came over to say hi ("I saw you running everywhere yesterday!) and was looking at it. Then I saw something out of the corner of my eye that still makes me shake in fear.
There was this guy on what I think was supposed to be a back machine? He was bending down at the waist and then flying up with these crazy arms completely going into hyperextension. This exercise was screaming spinal cord injury. I could see that but the trainers that were working the floor totally ignored it. I mean where was Brian to yell out one of his negative but helpful comments? I saw so many stupid things. So many. And not one of the three trainers there saying anything. The nice thing about group training is that Tony, Brian, Eric and Intern of the Season never fail to yell something even if they are 20 feet away and the rest of the place can here that your butt is not sticking out enough. What I didn't see was a woman holding a weight more than 10 lbs. Not one. So sad. Most of the women were downstairs on the elliptical READING a magazine or walking while talking to a friend. Everyone is at different levels in their abilities buy WHY spend your precious time on something that is not really doing anything for you?
Meet my new midget weight idol. Cut the hair, go blonder and voila, I could be this guy's twin. I'm serious. I totally need to find a part time job for next year. At least with this outfit I wouldn't have big yellow numbers on my butt.
I can't wait for Tuesday when I can go back and train with coaches who will remind me to arch my back, stick my butt out and not let the fact that I gave birth and have more estogen than the usual CP client affect the weight I lift.
6 more weeks people. If you haven't donated, please, please do. www.teambmc.org
Muchas Gracias!
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