Cupcake on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown

Tightening in the chest. Confusion of thoughts in the head. Knots in my stomach. Cupcake is losing it. WHY? The amount of work I have to do in the next three weeks, combined with my actual personal life is a never ending chain of writing units, report cards, grading, attending races, camping (yes, camping), gym shows, end of the year picnics, Father's Day, friend's birthdays (I know why stressful-because I put the stress on myself for the perfect gift and Lilli has planned I kid you not a 3 day birthday spectacular-how am I going to top that one for mine in August?) And I know that I am overemotional because I'm going to have to say goodbye to my class and I can say that my greatest strength as a teacher is my ability to connect with the kids. I have put my heart and soul into these kids and after an amazing biography presentation yesterday (which parents came up to me teary eyed and thanked me for everything and got lots of "My child says you're the best teacher they have have ever had") I feel even sadder.

I digress as usual. I had a major temper tantrum yesterday (note to family and friends; if I'm melting, let me melt, don't tell me "Now just calm down"-not what I want to hear! I knew I would pull myself together and I did. Plugged in the iPod, did all my stuff to some seriously retro 80's music and was better by the time The Celtics game started. Actually did work while watching the game and getting a ton of information from a comic book genius friend to write my Superhero unit-yes, I have found a way to integrate my desire to create a superhero into my writing curriculum.

I know, I still haven't written about Natalie-I don't have time. I guess that's what pissed me off yesterday during my temper tantrum. Every minute of my life is scheduled and I am usually fine with that but yesterday felt like it was pushing me down, down, down. I'm not sure ANYONE really gets how much I am responsible for at school and at home. I can usually balance it all but sometimes you just have to whine and kick and scream. I am completely fine today. In fact I sometimes think that by having these fits of anger, you somehow calm yourself. It's like your body needs that explosion in order to regain serenity.

Well, Lilli will be here in one hour to go to The Great Urban Adventure-if you see two hot (and I stress hot-it's so humid out) looking mamas in black running skirts, Naughty Cupcake tee shirts, pink boas, an aresenal of cooking supplies (we've got beaters and will go up to people and ask, "Can I beat you?"-my idea, genius isn't it?) running around Boston, that's us. Then it's off to camp with the Girl Scouts in Waltham (but not until I have a couple of drinks at Jose McIntyre's after the race.) Remember that cheezy 80's movie with Shelley Long? That's me- I don't camp. Really. You'd think we're going to the wilderness in Maine for one week with all the stuff we have, not Waltham in a cabin for one night.

This will be one hell of a day.

They won!

Ray Allen I love you! Celtics beat Pistons by 2 points thanks to my free thrower.

Will blog about Natalie concert later-am too tired to do it justice right now. Simply put, amazing.

I'm going now to toilet paper Aquaman's sleeping head for selling all of our tickets to The Celtics. AHH!

Amelia, Brownie and Fashion Consultant Extradonaire

My sister thought I went Selma short, short after reading my blog so Jess, here's a visual-I did not. Remember, I'm in transition hair mode.

That's me and the Scouts after they marched in the Memorial Day Parade. It was an absolutely beautiful day today; summer has definitely arrived. I did a 4.6 mile run this morning at 7:00 a.m. and it felt so good. I love early morning runs in the summer; it invigorates me for the rest of the day. Even at 7:00 a.m. it was hot; this marathon training in the summer schedule should be quite interesting.

Yesterday after weeks of contemplating whether to keep the Calvin Klein metallic grey and black dress, I finally took the tags off. The dress "rocks" according to my little Miss Blackwell. I have to agree though there has been this little voice inside my head that said perhaps it was a little to dressy for the Natalie concert. It is perfect for the wedding I am going to in June. I was hoping to wear it at least twice so I had decided to just go for it until the pint sized future fashion editor at Vogue piped up while watching me try it on. "Mom you can't wear that to see Natalie; it's too fancy." Oh be quiet little one. I don't have time to go shopping. "Really?" I ask. "Yeah, something's telling me it just doesn't go." Swear to you, I am not making this up. I start to freak out but then realize I have no choice; I have to wear it so decide better to be overdressed then underdressed.

We took the kids to a fantastic Mexican restaurant in Cambridge (killer margaritas) then drove to Harvard Square to walk around. Aquaman took Drew to the comic book store and Amelia looks at me and says, "We need to get you a new outfit" and I follow her into Urban Outfitters. We then walk around and gather a variety of skirts and black tank tops (not your typical tanks-we're talking amazing neckline, beaded tanks." Into the dressing room we go. After a ton of mixing and matching I finally put on the winning combination. Little Miss Blackwell says, "That's it, that's the one." We walk out of the dressing room and the salesgirl says, "Oh my god, that's it! The skirt is the perfect length (translation; not skanky short) and the top fits you perfectly. " Little Miss Blackwell has a huge smile on her face, "I told you so." And she's right. It fits perfectly and is dressy enough to go to The Pops but bohemian/edgy enough to go see Nat and wear it other times. The girl even picked out matching jewelry to go with it. So it's sad but true, my 7 year old daughter has impeccable fashion taste and I actually listen to her!

When it came time to put together an outfit for the parade, she goes, "Ugh, why do Brownies have to wear a brown vest?" To which her fashion blind brother answered, "Because you're a brownie, duhhh!"

And with summer fast approaching, if you are ever in Boston and want truly great sangria, go to Stephanie's on Newbury and get "Stephanie's Sangria." Aquaman took me there today and let's just say I could have drank the entire pitcher. Of course, how could I not like a drink named after moi?

Game 4 should started. This is going to be a long night.

The De-Bobification of Steph's hair; introducing The Selma."

Two days ago I saw a picture of me and the angle that it was taken out made it look like I had a bob. And then upon closer investigation; I really did have a bob. The rounding of the hair to give me a bowl look, every piece in place, the gradual step in the back. I am growing my hair out just a little so that I can put my hair in a ponytail for marathon training this summer. It has been killing me. You know me; I love short hair and thinks it suits my personality better. Aquaman started calling me "Mexican Spice" in honor or Posh. Now I like Posh and Katie Holmes( yes, I am talking about Katie Homes again)-I love the fact that they chopped off their hair and took a risk, but while I admire the bob on them, I am not a bob person. I like messy, bed head, choppy, messy hair. Bob to me is the perfection of hair conformity-at least on my head. A bob on me looks like a bowl of hair.

So I walk into the salon yesterday and Brian takes one look at me and sour face and says, "What happened?" He starts playing with my hair and I add, "In our attempts to grow it out, it's now a bob.!" We both gasp. He looks at me and says, "We need to de-bob you and NOW!" After a lengthy conversation we decided we're going to have to cut it shorter in the front to get rid of the bob look and the new plan for Operation Grow Hair Out is to do it in layers with the back a little longer-more of a shag. He is excited about this because he just came back from a hair show in NYC and has new razor scissors that he bought specifically with me in mind. He says he always has to change gears when I come in because most of his women clients want even, perfect hair and I always ask for "I want to look like I just got out of bed after a long night, messy, messy, messy!" Plus, he said, "Your personality is so short, bed head and fun."

So the 2 hour color/cut process begins. Aquaman is also getting his hair cut and Drew is chatting with us both. It' finally time to start the cut and it really shouldn't be described as that. More like a razor thinning, angle sculpting kind of thing. I literally sit there for like 5 minutes while Brian keeps walking around the chair thinking and playing with strands. People are watching him. Then he takes out the arsenal of scissors and razors and the fun begins. Some of the assistants gather around to watch ad ask questions. Even I'm getting nervous. How is he going to pull off growing it out but having to cut it shorter and not make it look like a bob? 45 minutes later I got my answer. One look in the mirror and I felt more like myself than I had in a few weeks as Mexican Spice. This was so much more me. Aquaman who is now done walks over. Brian asks if he likes it. Aquaman says he enjoyed calling me Mexican Spice and now he wouldn't be able to do so anymore and looks at me closely and says, "You know who you look like now? Selma Blair."

Selma Blair? I love Selma. Chopped off her hair, interesting movie choices, great style. This I could live with. Mine is a little longer and shaggier but very close. So we take the kids to see Indiana Jones (like it but didn't love it, actually thought Narnia was better) and one of the previews is of HellBoy 2 with who else but Selma Blair? I lean over to Aquaman and whisper, "Check out Selma kicking hellian butt with her short hair." He replies, "You two really are twins short hair hellian but kicker."

Yeah, with all of the lunges, glute ham raises and squats E and T have been making me do, I better be able to kick some hellian butt.

Hola Prince Caspian and I'm in the SECOND row...

So I'm sitting here in my pjs on my second glass of red wine (second day of MCAS-enough said.) It's time for Movie Reviewer Steph.

The kids and I are huge movie lovers. What I love about my kids, especially Drew, is that he appreciates all aspects of it; the script, the movie making, the soundtrack (how many 9 year olds listen to instrumental soundtracks?) We are huge Narnia fans and have been waiting for this one for awhile. Aquaman went biking with his friend tonight so the kiddies and I headed to the movies.

This movie could have totally sucked and it wouldn't have mattered because the amigo that played Prince Caspian was a total hottie but a dark, brooding, tormented hottie (those are the best!) He had this accent in the movie that was reminiscent of Antonio Banderas's Shrek character, Puss in Boots, but that's okay; I wasn't really listening to what he said.

The movie was spectacular. Breathtaking cinematography, arousing soundtrack, killer battle scenes and great acting. During the battle scenes Drew would sit at the edge of his seat with wide eyes and me and Amelia would hug each other covering our faces. What I love about this movie are the strong female characters. Susan and Lucy are courageous, noble, athletic, intelligent and look good in a dress. Even if you don't have kids, go see it. The new Indiana Jones is on slate for this weekend also.

Natalie News; I was reading some of the posts on her forum and came across a seating link. Apparently they have extended the stage so got rid of Rows A-C which means D is front row which means my E row ticket is really second row. When Aquaman heard he was so relieved that he wasn't going. He has fallen asleep at every play and concert we've gone too. No joke. He knows that if he had fallen asleep at second row Natalie/Pops concert (and he totally would have) I would have made him walk home. SECOND ROW! There was an article in The Boston Globe today about it. She hasn't toured in years, had a new album out in years and there are no plans to record anytime soon. The new stuff? Pretty much you have to go and see her live to hear it. Intense.

And in 24 hours, Portishead has haunted my thoughts all day. I blasted them on the way to school this morning and listening to "Strangers" and "Sour Times" made my hear beat faster and gave me a dizzy sort of feeling. Total mood music.

So psyched to go out with the Moxies tomorrow night. It's pretty much been Guinness, Lil and I at all our our gatherings but we have quite the crew coming tomorrow night. Can't wait to catch up with the girls over beer and make plans for Team Hartford (and watch The Celtics.) Saw in my People magazine today that Jay-Z and Beyonce were at The Celtics game in what could very well have been our seats or next to them. Damn that Aquaman! (who is snoring on the couch-yes-I can now rule the tv-adios Sox and Hello HBO.)

The N.I.T.s

Tonight was the Hoyt 5k in Waltham. The race Guinness and I tackled with no training. Give us a break; we start training for the Hartford Marathon in 4 weeks.

I got a text from Lilli at work that said she was sick and wouldn't be going. I called Guinness to make sure we were still on. You bet she said. The minute we entered the room, we could feel the excitement. Now Sarah who had run this last year (and who backed out at the last minute this year because, she IS running the Vermont City Marathon in two days (run, Sarah, run) went to see her massage therapist instead (good call Sarah) had told me that nuns from school in NH that have a special running program for kids at risk run with the kids. Why this intrigued me so much I'm not sure. The entire week I've been joking about the nun thing (but damn that EC, I was looking for support on my drive over and he couldn't bring himself to go against a nun) . Much to our surprise they are not wearing the typical black and white; they're wearing blue and white. Guinness and I are trying to figure it out (I thought that Guinness being from Ireland would know these things; she did not.) I'm thinking it symbolizes an order or something and then G comes out with this in her Irish brogue.
"Maybe, maybe they are like nuns in training you know. They're not a full nun yet. They're a, they're a, NIT-Nun in training." Why this made me break down I'm not sure but it stuck all night, "the n,i,t,'s" What team are we on? The Nuns in Training (Guinness was on Team in Training for the Dublin Marathon so this made it even funnier.) In all seriousness, these women were incredible. They have created speed demons (ooh, bad word choice) in these kids. A ten year old kicked our arses!

There were tons of sponsors for this race. Dunkin Donuts was there and I love their iced coffee so had to get a picture with Mr. DD. There were a little over 250 people in the race; not big at all. To see Dick and Rick Hoyt and then get to meet them after the race was a true honor. I am awed and humbled by their love and dedication. My plan was to have a fun run and finish under 28 minutes; my PR for a 5k is 24:02. I wasn't going for any PR's tonight. So the race begins and Guinness takes off. I'm running a pretty good pace so pick it up. And once again I go out too early (will I ever learn?) The course was hilly and towards the end it started to pour. I ended up running it in 26:30 with an 8:30 pace and finished 8th in my age group. Guinness came in one minute ahead of me with an 8:15 pace and 5th in our age group. We were pretty excited that we did so well with no training.

Now during the race, the N.I.T.'s little proteges would run right past us in their red jerseys. These kids were insanely fast. At least two of them passes us. After the race they had dinner and a very cheap bar (yes I have a Heiniken in my hand in the above picture but G and Dick Hoyt had a beer too-they were just smart enough to hide theirs. ) They had an awards ceremony for the top 3 finishers in all 4 age categories. G and I were feeling pretty good about our run. Then we hear, "And the winner of the over 70 group ran it in 24 minutes." Oh man, a 70 year old ran faster than us. Then they get to the under 10 group. The winner of that? The kid who passed me ran it in 22 minutes. Once we figured this out, we couldn't stop laughing. More power to them both!

I just love the picture of Rick Hoyt, G aand I. I love the expression on Rick's face looking at me; it screams "Who are
you lady and why are you sweating on my chair?" Yes, these pics were taken post race to prove that we actually raced it.

And the best part of the night ? Guinness made me a cd! Everything from Ice Cube, Mazzy Star to more Imogen! The Imogen song; "Closing."

Which is what I will do now (Aquaman fell asleep on the couch; some Celtics fan he is!")

Full Moonitis

Okay, I'm watching the Idol finale. I haven't watched it all season but promised the kids in my class I would watch the finale so I could talk to them about it tomorrow. So far the performances have made me want to spit up my grilled chicken and salad. Especially after the band I just discovered tonight thanks to Lilli's business card encounter. Rewind.

Someone at school told me it was a full moon out which can explain why the kids in my class have been a little, no a lot off (that and they have to take the math MCAS tomorrow-don't even get me started on that) and all these strange things, no occurences have been happening.

Guinness and I are running the Hoyt 5k tomorrow night in Waltham. Lilli is not but her ex is so she's going and will watch the kids when he runs then meet up with Guinness and I afterwards at The Pocket Bar? The Corner Pocket? I'm so confused! I have run two times, yes two times since the marathon. I haven't been slacking off-I've been training with E. T and B three times a week and waking up at 5:00 a.m. to do my bike intervals 3x a week. My schedule has been insane so the running hasn't been happening after work. Guinness hasn't run in awhile too. She did a run on Tuesday and emailed us to say it went well and she's ready for tomorrow. She mentioned that her new music motivated her too (Guinness has great taste in music-she's the one who introduced me to The Swell Season.) She said "Goodnight and Go" by Imogen Heap was a favorite. AHHH! That song is my new ringtone on my phone! Imogen used to be with Frou Frou (a band the Senator introduced Lil to who then played it for me-LOVE FROU FROU! Imagine a mix of Sarah McLachlan and Poe.) I listen to Goodnight and Go every single day at least 5 times. It's a song that just makes you smile and one that you must belt out in the car, "Why'd you have to be so cute..."

So after my almost business card encounter, who has one but Lil (she actually got the card whereas a red light prevented me. When I told Aquaman, he told me to get it next time; maybe he could get a new client out of it to support my Nordstromitis (btw the sale started today!) I think the stars know that we both share the Denise middle name thing. So of course she mentions me as her culinary/music go to person. Somewhere in the conversation he metnions Portishead and that seeing them live at Roseland in NYC was an experience that is still with him and to ask "your culinary/music companion" about that one. Business card man has thrown me-I have not heard of them. I ask Aquaman and he's like, "Of course I've heard of them." How can this be?

So I'm searching iTunes while watching the Idol finale and all of a sudden Bad Girl Donna Summer comes on. Oh no, I forgot to buy our tickets. I quickly log on to Ticketmaster to buy them, Cha ching, we're going. But I slowly become concerned because Ms. Summer looks like she needs an oxygen tank to keep up with the youngins. She's not moving. OMG-Robert Downey Jr, Jack Black and Ben Stiller are backing up Gladys Night (I bet she aged better than Donna) on Idol. I have a serious crush on Mr. Downey after seeing Ironman. Think I'll rent that bad eighties Zero movie with whatever happened to Andrew McCarthy-with the killer Bangles Song (and come on, who didn't want to be Susannah Hoff?) Sorry. Lil and Guinness-let's hope she increases her stamina before July.

So back to Portishead. Hmm, they actually recorded the Roseland concert so listen so some of it. These are words that have been used to describe it. Pure, sexy and trippy. A marriage of lyrics and music into a trance of seduction. So I'm listening to this gut wrenching, brilliant music performed by ARTISTS while kareoke caliber phonies (most of them-that little David has a beautiful voice even if he does look like a cross between Eddie Munster and Mikey from the Life commercials) say the words to songs. Notice how I didn't say sing. Because to me singing is feeling the music, reciting a poem with different expression. Beth Gibbons, the lead singer-a powerhouse, a storyteller.

Man, Paula is eyeing George Michael like a piece of meat-sweetie, don't forget, he doesn't play on your team. That Ms. Abdul, she gets so confused so easily. In 9 minutes we will find out who the new American Idol is. My life will not change by this revelation. I will continue to seek artists who move me, make me think, rip apart my soul. To be fair, Kelly Clarkson is a favorite of mine. The girl can sing and she has some major issues to get off her chest. I like her because she's her own person. Wouldn't it be great if Little Eddie Munster wins that he could break the mold and do the same thing?

And one week from tonight I'll be at Symphony Hall listening to one of the most genuine artists of my time.

In the words of Ms. Heap, "Goodnight and Go."

My girl is 7 and I made the top 27!

Music playing: NONE; the Celtics are playing. And yes I sit here watching complete strangers sit in our second row court seats! My entire family gave Aquaman a hard time tonight for letting his family sell ALL of the season tickets. I give him a bad time about this every night. My brother though thinks I 'm not worthy of them. He told me to name 5 Celtic players. I could do 4. Does it really matter if I know the names? I know the game pretty well and love watching it. I am so screwed for all of the sports questions on the GUA. Lilli and I made a list of all the super smart and computer savvy people we know to help us be our lifelines. It's time we put together our Lifeline Support Team.

My baby girl turned 7 today. That's us at her party this past weekend and tonight celebrating her special day with family. Yes, I had cake. Though my labor was short with this one, I progressed so fast that they almost missed the window for the epidural and I still have vivid memories of me yelling, "I am not having this baby unless you give me drugs! I totally deserved every crumb. I bought her a silver locket necklace. She loved it. I also bought her a great book called Princess Bubbles about this hip young princess who doesn't understand why all her princess friends and family want her to get married when she's completely happy being on her own. She would rather travel the world and surround herself with friends and family. After we read the book, Amelia says, "She rocked Mom!" Of course right now she is on this big Kylie Minogue kick-she only wants to listen to "I can't get you out of my head" and walks around the house singing it. And Aquaman and I were pleasantly surprised to find out that one of her good friends is a boy. Amelia's teachers always comment on what a wonderful friend she is to all in her class and how nice, friendly and empathetic she is. She invited many boys to her party. One was a boy we had never heard of; Wellington. I'm imagining this pasty white looking kid. Imagine my surprise when this tan, very cute looking boy runs into her party with a big "Happy Birthday Amelia" and gives her a high five. Wellington is Hispanic; Brazilian and Portuguese. He is a bundle of energy with a big heart. Guess who is the only girl invited to HIS party at Lazer Zone this weekend? We are so in trouble when she hits the teenage years.

Today was also Cressey's birthday. I must say the video card I sent him is totally me and is probably the best one I have ever sent. I gave him Red Sox tickets we couldn't use this past weekend and our course his girlfriend, being as awesome as she is bought him tickets for the same game so Eric being the nice guy that he is gave them to Tony and his girlfriend. The spooky kooky thing; the seats were 2 rows in front of them. Imagine if I had been able to go and has taken a friend and "surprise" there's EC siting right behind me. Ahhh! Hide the pretzels!

And folks, guess who made the Top 27 things that make me smile list by EC? And I was #6! That was a very sweet gesture. I thought for sure I would have been #1 on the "Clients that drive me up the wall but are totally lovable" list. I do though think the new training Steph does complain less and focus more. Brian was impressed that I actually refused to talk during my sets the other day. See, growth people, growth.

Gotta go; my green men need my support! OMG-they're only ahead by one point. Even I know they have to win tonight. Ahh! Rob Lowe is at the game! Think he needs a new nanny? Sh*t-I think he's sitting in our seats.........AQUAMAN!!

Gustav and Natalie?

What do Gustav Holst (swear to you never heard of him until 5 minutes ago) and Natalie Merchant have in common?

They're sharing the stage with the Pops. Well, sort of. Gustav is kind of dead. No, he's really dead.

So you know me, Ms. I must educate myself on trying to find set lists, etc for concerts. This one has been hard because she's performing with The Pops. I just spent more time than I should have (but really, all my DJ Steph cds take longer than they should) making a Natalie cd for CV#1 (Cupcake Victim #1 for those needing a refresher) who is going with me to see her. I guess I imagined Natalie singing all of her songs, maybe even a couple Maniacs songs in there too. Enter Gustav.

Gustav was a composer whose "Planets' piece gave him fame and recognition which he hated. He has called it "a series of mood pictures." Some have called "Mars" the most devastating piece of music. Why am I sharing all of this? Because the first part of the concert is all about my boy Gustav and his moody Plantes, specifically, Mars, Jupiter, Venus and Uranus. This entire movement is based on a book. I need to read more.

Natalie wrote on her blog that the first half of the concert will be Gustav and his universe. NASA has given the Pops rare and incredible footage which will be played during this portion of the concert. After intermission Natalie will perform 6, yes 6 new songs and 6 old ones. She has been working with 4 composers on arrangements. That's her up there in rehearsals.

Okay, so first reaction was, "AHHH! I want her to play all of my favorite songs. I don't care about some dead Austrian or German or composer and his moody plantes." Then I kicked myself in the butt (which is much harder than it looks) and really thought about it.

This will be a totally unique and out of this world (a little space humor there for Gustav) experience and isn't that what life is all about? To open yourself to new things?

Think about it. I love Symphony Hall. Absolutely nothing can compare to live music in my mind, but to hear the Boston Pops live; I can't even describe it. There's something so powerful about the music. And our seats-5th row, center (we're at a table.) You can see the faces of the musicians, of Keith. I took Drew to see John Williams when he played a best of of his career. We were in the second row. To hear the opening notes of "Star Wars' was awesome for lack of a better word. So the background to Gustav's moody work will be NASA footage of space. In Symphony Hall? I am intrigued, so intrigued to see what this multi-sensory experience will be like.

Then to see Natalie perform new stuff and old stuff with new arrangements with The Pops accompanying her? I've been listening to her a lot lately (had to get the perfect playlist for the cd) and I think I figured out why her voice affects me so much. She sings with intelligence. And strength. You know that even though she might be hurting, that she will make it through. Echoes of survival and resiliency are found in her voice.

So now I am awaiting this concert with even more anticipation. There must be a reason they chose Gustav;s work to go with Natalies. My guess for the 6 old songs; Beloved Wife, My Skin, Ophelia I think are pretty certain. The rest will be a total surprise.

And I kind of like that.

The Blessing of Lilli's Apartment

Music playing: Clumsy Sky by Girl in A Coma. I WILL blog about this band this week; I haven't listened to anything else all weekend

First picture: Lilli and I in our Great Urban Adventure team shirts. We are Team Naughty Cupcake. And may I add, we are totally and 100% au natural; no make up, hair products, anything in this picture ( we did go for the bra though.)

Picture #2-a captivating self portrait of me, Lil and Guinness. Pretty good after champagne and wine, huh?

Why all the fun? We were "blessing" Lilli's apartment with good female vibes. Lil invited us over in our pjs for some champagne and appetizers to bring her new pad some good vibes.

As usual we laughed, ate, drank, talked philosophical, laughed, drank some more and laughed. After the champagne was done I opened a bottle of wine that I had recommended to Lilli; it's a red with a bull on the bottle. Trader Joes' special. I had bought it for someone for Christmas and it was thoroughly enjoyed so being the good friend that I am suggested she buy it.

So if you read this blog you know about the cosmic connection Lil and I have. Well, start playing the Twilight Zone music now. I'm reading her diplomas and notice that her middle name is Denice. My middle name is Denise. I ask her, "Is your middle name Denise?" She shakes her head. I yell, "My middle name is Denise too! Screams are heard everywhere.

I admire her cozy apartment and the incredible piece she did on various lyrics. I also got to admire The Seantar's photos. Stunning, simply stunning. When you come to Boston, I totally want you to photograph me!

We have a race on Thursday night in Waltham. The plan is to go over to a bar after the race. Heard a rumor there's nuns running. Cressey told me if I let a nun beat me, I would never hear the end of it. They could be fast. I mean think about it, running after those little kids, away from over friendly members of the clergy.......

Freaky Friday

It was a spooky kooky day (I just love saying spooky kooky.)

I wake up at 5:00 a.m. yesterday and couldn't fall back asleep (this after an exhausting day at work-placement-going out with my school friends to drink after it and then meeting up with another friend after that for some free DD coffee-I had 4 cups of coffee yesterday-perhaps the reason behind my restless turns and traffic of thoughts in my mind. I decide I might as well do something so hop on my spinning bike to do intervals. On the way to work I'm at a red light on Route 9 and I sense the car next to me (full of young business looking guys) inching up. I'm on the phone leaving a very introspective observation of Lili's life on her cell. It keeps inching up. I think they're checking out the car. The now are all the way and and start motioning to me to roll down the window. I think, "Crap, something is wrong with my car or I cut them off." I roll down my window and give my best fake what's wrong I'm so sorry smile. I say, "Hi! I something wrong, I'm so sorry if I cut you off." One of the guys says, "Nothing is wrong. I just wanted to say Good Morning to such a pretty young lady." My protein shake almost flies out of my mouth. I say thank you and good morning to you too. He then leans over to hand me his card (my carpool buddy is watching this with great amusement) but the light turns green and alas, I do not get it. I would have passed the card along to all my single chickas!

My kids were off today, as I was. I taught a lesson on Native American sign language to two classes. The first class interpreted my movement as "Ms. H-B likes having babies" and the second class, "Ms. H-B has big maracas." My student teacher had to leave the room so the kids wouldn't see her laugh over that one. I was trying to say, "I am a mother and I am cold." The hormones are flying in my class. Everyone is touching each other (as in tripping, kicking, playing with hair) and saying stuff like, "She's looking at me or Make him stop looking at me." It's horrible. So I'm with a group of five kids at my conference table working with them on their biography. The will not stop talking. Finally after me threatening recess for the rest of their lives, they quiet down. I'm with one of the lovliest, put together girls in my class. We're going over her work. It's quiet. Then one of the smartest, funniest boys in my class (and the object of affection with the girls with his California surfer dude hair in the eyes) starts singing this song. "Ms. H-B, she's so cool and she likes shaking her big maracas." Now, they have no idea what big maracas can be interpreted as. The movement for cold look like I'm shaking maracas. The girl I'm with looks at him and starts trying so hard not to laugh. I am completely losing it inside. He realizes that he sang this out loud and looks at me. He gives me that famous smile and sings, "Ms. H-B is going to bust me now because I am Coco-nuts ( he has a brown Red Sox tee shirt on that says I am Coco-Nuts). The girl next to me now has tears running down her eyes she's trying so hard not to laugh. Just at that point another girl comes up to the table and yells, "Mom, how do you spell maracas?" The entire table looks at me, she realizes she called me mom and I can't stand it any longer. I totally lose it. My stomach hurts so much I'm laughing. I know, I shouldn't have laughed but sometimes, you just got to do it. We pack up early and go out for extra recess because honestly, we aren't capable of doing anything else.

Last night was all about a much needed glass (or 2) of wine and getting ready for Amelia's birthday party today. The kids and I watched ET and there I am in my Wonder Bread pjs (I really must take a picture of them), wine, and US magazine screaming at the tv, "ET phone home, phone home." I'm such a sentimental chump. So Aquaman who has now stolen the US magazine comes over and says, "You really are a fashionista, look." Second picture up there; Ms. Eva Longoria Parker with her turquoise Coach Francesca bag. I have that bag in white! And got a ton of compliments this week on it. The second we know is of Ms. Holmes who I like to make fun of but have always thought her hair rocked. He says, "That's your hair and you've got those Marc Jacob sunglasses"-OMG, he's right. My hair is a little bit more bedhead and I'm not sure the glasses are the same but very similar. I'm like, "Damn, I've got good taste." Aquaman, "Yeah, you do. But they are married to millionaires and you are not." I reply, "Yeah, but I work hard for the money" (getting ready for my Donna Summer concert). He laughs and says, "I think it's more like you work hard to spend the money." Nice to know Aquaman still has a sense of humor.

Do something that scares you once a day

Who would have thought my Lululemon bag would have such a big effect on my life? Maybe I should have worn the damn running skirt in the marathon...........

So my newest mantra, do something that scares you once a day? It's taken on a life of it's own. Yesterday after being awoken to Drew's modern dance interpretation of I Love You Mom to Linkin Park, I decided to do something scary for me on Mother's Day. We went out to breakfast (not brunch, let's be clear; not sure I really believe in brunch; not that into the hybrid meal, I mean who the hell goes out for linner or uncher or dinnert?) I woke up with no energy and craving pancakes. So after the moving Twyla inspired dance, we put on our crappiest clothes (didn't shower-hey if I was going to go to breakfast on Mother's Day, I was going anti-mother's day looking all the way), piled in the car and went to Mel's a popular, very nice coffee shop kind of place. The place was packed but the line went fast. It actually wasn't that bad being there surrounded by other moms. In fact, so many of them had little snot dripping, screaming, throwing food little kids that I kind of felt sorry for THEM. It felt good doing that. I trained with Cressey then we all went to see Speed Racer in IMAX. Kind of reminded me of Dick Tracy and the Johhny Depp version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory the way it was shot. It had a monkey and I have a serious thing for monkeys. I actually really liked it.

So Lilli did some pretty scary things today and used my new challenge when telling me about it (what is with the appeal of the tri?). So I thought, "Gee Steph, what have you done today that is scary?" Rewind. Drew has been bugging us to go to Comicon in San Diego. I have pretty much ignored him. But tonight I actually listened. We always got to California each summer to visit my family, Maybe the dates would work? What do you know, they do. Still not convinced-I was planning on going later in the summer. I check air fare-it's cheaper to fly into San Diego than LA. Now that ge's Aquaman's attention. He had just been listening to Suze Orman on the news while cleaning up the kitchen after dinner about ways to deal with the weak economy. "Simplify your life, pay everything in cash, don't got on vacation, no big purchases." Yada, yada, yada Suze. I google Comicon because I honestly have no idea what I might be getting myself into. It's like an orgy of comic book fanatics. This thing is huge (I later found out when trying to book hotel rooms.) Then I thought about my quest to find out more about the women superheroes. And my creation. Then I start thinking, I could actually get some good info out of this. So yes, I have planned my summer vacation around my 9 year old son's desire to go to Comicon. Drew almost passed out when I told him. Look at it from his perspective; what were the chances that his mom would actually listen to him and say sure kid let's go across the county to attend a comic book convention. What scares me the most? I'm actually looking forward to this.................

#11 and "Steph, they found the only Mexican girl in the room!"

I just spent an hour trying to upload the incredible video I shot of Ozo last night but I had many fatal errors and seeing that I have hours of work ahead of me, admire the pretty pictures and perhaps it will work tomorrow.

Let's start with my morning yesterday.

I knew I had to Cupcake the CP crew yesterday since it was the opening of the new facility. My first thought was to order them an Edible Arrangements fruit gift-they are truly great and healthy. But something inside me kept saying no and I always go with what my gut says (I trust the gut more than the head or heart; not sure why.) Good Call Steph. I finally decide on the "trainer's dream lunch" option. I went to Whole Foods and bought fruit salad, green beans, almonds, beef jerky and a chicken (yes an entire chicken.) I also threw in cupcakes from Kickass-Aquaman bought me some for MDay and I've been handing them out since Friday. Also threw in red and black balloon with a #1 sticker on them.

I walk into the new office to see a very tired and totally out of it Pete. These guys have been putting in HORRIFIC hours to get the new place ready. He perks up at the food, especially at the cupcakes. EC can't believe I brought a chicken (I told him I killed it myself just for him) and Tony the beef jerky lover is eying the stuff. I even wrote incredibly sappy sentimental things inside an inspirational card. I show him the color coordinated balloons with the stickers and he cracks up. Brian then says, "You're not #1 Steph, you're #11 (b/c of the two 1's on the balloons.) For some reason that totally makes me laugh and I kind of like the notion of being a palindrome. Then the comments start, "Look at what she's doing to beat the other #1." Pete said it maybe guaranteed my spot for a day until he saw the cupcakes and that pretty much guaranteed my spot for at least a week. As this is going on a delivery man arrives with a beautiful fruit kabob arrangement complete with baseball from who else (plus another client.) Pete takes one look at the pineapple kebobs and looks at me like, you got something else in your bag b/c your spot might be in jeopardy. Doesn't matter, I'm now #11, a palindrome, a prime number-I am unique. Plus, I still got the whole picture on the Cressey fridge thing going for me. E's parents were down yesterday and I saw his mom who gave me a hug and said she was rooting for me during the marathon. #11 is on a roll!

The new place is massive. They added equipment and the sprinting/sled/warm up space is so long (take my word for it, I trained today too and EC made me do 4 sled runs and it felt like 1/4 mile.) It is quite impressive. I am a little concerned that my own personal hot pink board is MIA. I might just have to buy myself a new one and put pictures of Justin Timberlake, Keanu Reeves all over it.

Because my schedule is so crazy, I had to run afterwards. i honestly feel like I've been working harder the past 2 weeks with less running and more strength training then I did during the marathon. It was finally time to get ready for Ozomatli. Now as part of the Be More Feminine Campaign (which really should be called the wear more skirts and dresses campaign) I decided to wear a halter/tank dress to the show. I am tyring to do one thing that scares me a day and the thought of not wearing jeans and a tank top to the concert was truly terrifying. I walk out into the living room and Miss Blackwell herself looks at me and smiles, "Wow Mom! You're wearing a dress! I love it! Umm, is your rule that you only wear one dress a year?" I tell her no because in fact I bought the most kick*ass dress to wear to Natalie Merchant (and a wedding we have to go to.) Plus, it screams The New Steph-black/metallic grey, funky yet sophisticated, sort of vintage, short, sleeveless (are you asleep now? I just had to share because as the ladies can attest to, it was one of those dresses that I put on once, looked in the mirror, and said, "This is it.") The best part? Calvin Klein, size 4 petite which we all really know is a 2 regular (I'm not drinking protein shakes every day for nothing you know-maybe i'll do some pullups in it?)

We meet Sarah and her husband at Brown Sugar which had the best Thai food I've had in a long time. It was so exciting to hear about Sarah's upcoming Vermont City Marathon. We walk over to The Paradise and see that Ozo doesn't go on until 10:30. Aquaman looks at me with a look of terror on his face. We hang out at the bar and drink and watch the Sox and Celtics. Sarah and I somehow get into a conversation about clothing that truly disturbs us (critters on hooded sweatshirts) and I see this woman at the bar with Grumpy on her tee shirt (disclaimer here; I am the one that wears pictures of Gary Coleman on her chest, has many Girl Superhero tee-shirts, and has pjs with monkeys on them-but not to a concert) I lean over and say, "She has a dwarf on her." Sarah looks at me in total bewilderment and looks over and then starts laughing. She says, "Oh, dwarf as in Snow White, I thought you meant a real dwarf." I almost started choking on the lime in my Corona (a Mexican at a Mexican concert only has one choice of beverage.)

We head up and Aquaman elects to hang out upstairs while the rest of us stay on the main floor to dance. Now I keep surveying the crowd-a total mix, but strangely not many Mexican looking people. I kept saying, "I might be one of the only Mexicans here." I'm glad I wore the dress because it's nice and cool and it's easy to dance in. Some drunk women in the bathroom complimented me on "your dress is so cute." Ozo finally comes out and it is 2 hours of complete energy and fun. I never stopped moving (hence my shiny face in the picture-that's Sarah and I with one of the band members.) At one point there were 15 musicians on stage. There was a horn section, percussion section, multiple guitars, instruments I had never seen before. People would take turn singing and playing. They are one of those bands you must see live. If my stupid video was working you could see. They played Can's Stop, When I Close My Eyes, Como Ves, Gallina, Chango. Not one dull moment. Sarah and I did a good job at fake singing the spanish songs!

The last song is Chango (it is impossible to stay still while listening to that song) and they bring their instruments off the stage and jam in the crowd. Where do they jam? Right in front of Sarah, Bryan, their friend and I. We keep looking at each other like, "OMG, they are playing RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!" We high five them (I'm so tempted to say, "I'm Mexican, my mother's maiden name was Hidalgo and I was born in San Bernardino so can you PUHLEEZE play La Segundo Mano but decide against it.") They then do a little cha cha line around the Paradise and then come back AGAIN right in front of us and play and DANCE with us! Sarah leans over and says, "Steph they found the only Mexican Girl in the room!" That's the picture I took while JAMMIN with the boys from Ozomatli!

The entire concert was like they were the house band for a party we were attending. I was so pumped with adrenaline, I didn't fall asleep until 2:30. Even Aquaman said it was a great show. Unfortunately, I was awoken at 6:30 this morning to a 9 year old doing an odd form of breakdancing to Linkin Park while singing "Happy Mother's Day." More on that tomorrow. I have math tests calling my name to be graded...........

I pulled something while dancing to Thriller!

So I ran the Boston Marathon with no injury and strained something in my glute while boogieing to Thriller? Sad, but true.

The first picture is of the women I work with everyday. These 4 make me laugh, support me, are incredibly smart and are damn good at what they do. I present The Fourth Grade Team. I love the fact that before any of us sat down at the party tonight, we all made a beeline for the bar. I had the best reason-part of the ceiling in my room fell down today and almost hit a kid. Oh, it was a good day.

The second is of all us First Years. How happy are we that we are almost done with year 1! I must say we were phenomenal dancers tonight-during my injury induced Thriller, I had many yells fo "Break out now Steph!"

All of that dancing got me ready for Ozomatli. I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep tonight I'm that excited.

And to close, Lilli is such a ray of sunshine for me. She sent me a text tonight that made me tinkle in my pants is was that funny. Everybody needs somebody like that in their life.

Buenos Noches

The Big Weekend

Simmer. Isn't that word sensuous to say? Something about the mmms on your lips. That's what I feel like my insides have been doing. Waiting for Sunday. I wish I could be more poetic to describe what Mother's Day is like without a mother. It just sucks. I do try to be positive for Hansel and Gretel but I won't lie it's hard. I have a few close friends who also lost their mothers and I feel like we all belong to this club that none of us wanted membership to. No one know how to handle you. Or what to do with you. My good friend and I once talked about it. Her boyfriend at the time decided to take her to brunch on her first Mother's Day without her mother. He meant well. But as she said, "Yeah, let's go to a place full of mothers. You kind if stick out not having one.

Even as I write there's commercials for Mother's Day (Greys is on-I only watch 3 shows-Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill and Grey's-demographers go figure that one out.) I Ms. Extrovert becomes an introvert on this day. Honestly, I would like to do nothing more than hang out in my 70's Sitcom meets Sesame Street pj;s watching John Hughes movies with my boyfriends Ben, Jerry and Mr. Pringle-and of course my latin lover, Jose Cuervo. But like Petey Parker's uncle said (I think), "something with great responsibility." That would be motherhood for me. So I will train with Cressey and Company, go for a run (today while driving to work in a cloud of thought confusion I said out loud, "I so miss running"-those clouds aren't there when I'm running regularly,) We're then all going to see Speed Racer in IMAX. And grab some dinner. Nothing special. Not a big deal. Am taking the under the radar approach.

But Friday and Saturday are looking good. I have a retirement party for my principal tomorrow night in Netwon; all of my teaching buddies and I are leaving the hubbies at home. I love them so much; we plan to hang out at the bar and if it get's slow, hit some bars in Waltham; though this shinding is very formal and we might look a little odd in our dresses and heels.

Saturday is the unveiling of the new Cressey Performance. I'm training during the "V" hour and will bond with my estrogen filled training buddies. I know I make fun of them all the time, but I am so proud of all they have accomplished. I've known Eric now for almost 2 years (OMG!) and am amazed at how far he's come. And as he reminded me on a recent particularly hard day, I've come a long way too. But we still have a way's to go; I won't stop until he becomes a Justin Timberlake fan and he won't stop until I can do chin ups by myself, bench press some horrible amount and deadlift and box squat another horrible #. Have to share this. Someone gave me a Polo last summer that I never wore (am more or a Lacoste girl myself) but it's cute so decided to wear it today. It's a small. I wear a small or sometimes extra small. Put it on; great fit everywhere except the arms. I looked like She-Hulk with my arms popping out. The kids in my class were like, "Ms. H-B, you've got muscle!" Yeah, but I can only do one pull up by myself. Tonight Dr. Tim assured me that was okay and thought my pull up goal was an awesome one-better than running 26.2 miles.

And then, finally, the beginning of my concert extravaganza, Ozomatli! I find it kind of cool that I'm seeing this total Mexican band on the eve of Mother's Day; a tribute to my mom. Their music changes my mood instantly. We're meeting Sarah and her husband for Thai food (finally, a carb-love Pad Thai) before the concert. Songs they better play; La Segunda Mano and Can't Stop. That song if fitting:
"So you feel you cant go on
that you got nothin left to lose
There is no one left to love
that you got nothin left to lose
Can't live for yesterday
Cuz we gotta move on in a different way
Today is another day
Can't stop now
Today is another day"

Ole Ozomatli!

Truly Special PJs

Everyone in my family took one look at me tonight and said, "You have got to blog that."

Give me a break people; I worked all day, had six conferences after school, went to Drew's concert at school and have spent a total of one hour at home. If I want to wear my Whatcha Talkin 'Bout Willis tee shirt with my Cookie Monster pajama bottoms I can! Remember, I wear my pajamas to Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts and the grocery store. In fact just last Sunday was commented on my Wonder Bread pajamas while standing in line. I am brain dead and exhausted but eerily content. Contentment is something that has been missing for awhile. I welcome that feeling with open arms. I'm also thinking way too much about my ex boy toys, that cute little elf and dough boy. The only carbs I've had today-the vegetables in my salad. Dinner was a Dr. Praeger's spinach cake, cottage cheese and a chicken breast. Lunch-salad with chicken. Breakfast-a cookies and cream protein shake (the new stuff came in-awesome!). If the Keebler Elf and Pillsbury Dough Boy were real people, I would totally sympathy you know what them for a cookie and cracker. I am sinking to low levels even for me. But I will win this bet. I need to embrace the pull ups!

I sound like a broken record, but I don't believe in coincidence. Another eerie thing today. So last night I write about the power and surprise in live music and today I see Live From The Basement featuring Radiohead. I'm about to iron (yes, I iron-one of the very few domestic things I do) and Aquaman comes in and says, "I think you'll like this and turns on the t.v." My immediate reaction is that it's sports. That's all Aquaman watches-ESPN, NESN, ESPN2 etc. He turns it on and there's Radiohead doing a live show in a small studio with a live audience. I almost burn my clothes I'm so into it (which would have been a shame considering my new Seven for Mankind jean capris are on the ironing table.) 15 Steps comes on-I'm rocking out in my totally hip pjs. Then Nude-sends shivers up my spine. Then Reckoner. Completely dissected that song and gave it a hard edge. The entire band was so into it. Amelia who is sitting on my bed watching says, "He sounds like Feists' husband." The girl is right; I'm so proud of her little almost 7 brain for making that connection. Aquaman is watching it too. I ask, "You want to go with me to see them?" He says, "I don't know." I say, "It's going to be so good." So he asks where and I tell him and mention that I have lawn seats. I get the face. He declines.

But he did get me Sox tickets for next weekend..............................................

The Swell Season

I posted about the movie Once awhile ago. I have been listening to The Swell Season (Glen Hansard and Marketa Oglava and friends) non stop lately. I've been in a mellow, acoustic mood.

I got a ticket alert that they were coming and was undecided. Looking back, I have no idea why. So tonight I'm trying to find Jonatha Brook tickets because a mailing I got said she was coming to Natick. Couldn't find her (btw, Is This All?-that song gives delivers on all sensations; sad yet seductive; I imagine someone caressing someone's face with fingertips.) I found this quote from her:
"Touring is where I really live. It's the reward to me. To hear the songs live in a room where anything can happen and they go a different place every night. That's what I love about music. It travels on so many different levels. Human travel ...all that takes a toll for sure. But there's something truly amazing to me about people who are PASSIONATE enough to buy the ticket, get the babysitter, take the train..whatever hear live music. Thank you for that."

You are so welcome Jonatha! And I don't have to get a babysitter because Aquaman politely declines my invitations (except Ozomatli which he has to go to because it is my Mother's Day present; he heard Aimee Mann is going on tour and said would like to go but for some reason Ms. Boston Voices Carry has no dates scheduled for Boston.) But she put into words what I could not. That's why I love going to concerts. You can listen to the songs countless times, think you know all the nuances, have your favorites and then see it live and all hell breaks loose. It's like hearing them for the first time. Take Sia. Breathe Me; one of my all time favorite songs yet it was her soulful interpretation of Death by Chocolate that struck the chord. I've been listening to a ton of Natalie Merchant to get ready to see her with The Pops and am SO intrigued on what she's going to do. My Skin and Tell Yourself;I get teary eyed now listening to them. To see her sing them in the magnificent Symphony Hall backed up by The Pops? Note to self; bring tissues.

So after reading the quote I decide to see how much tickets are and accidentally hit my YouTube link on my toolbar. I decide to check out The Swell Season. Now, When Your Mind's Made Up is my favorite song but lately have been haunted by Drown Out and listened to it oh I don't know, 8 times today. The clip is of Glen telling the Irish story behind it. I am so drawn to all things Gaelic; my tattoo is Gaelic (what's the Mexican chica doing with a Gaelic tattoo?) The band has a string section. One minute of the clip is all I needed to make up my mind (just like the song!) So now I'm going to see The Swell Season in September. It's on a Friday night and it's right after 9/11 so I'll need a distraction. Their sound is so pure and simple. And the music makes you think. It will be a night of music that makes you FEEL.

An Omen?

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So I just spent the better part of my night signing up for my summer races. As I'm registering, there is a story on the news about a marathoner who had a heart attack yesterday while running The Cincinatti Marathon. Lucky for him there was an EMT running behind him and saved his life. Like I really need to hear this.

Picture 1: "Charlie's Angels" team from last year's GUR. Um, I looked at some of the clues; Lil we're going to need many lifelines. Which AFL team play in the AA Center? Why couldn't they have asked the name of the maid in The Brady Bunch? Go Alice Go! See, to do this race, you have to be a little crazy. Our costumes are going to rock. Our team name; The Naughty Cupcakes! And people we need lifelines!

Picture 2: Part of the Let's Run series. They're awesome. You run on a Thursday night in Cambridge and and then attend a bbq with Harpoon and a live band. This one is on the last day of school and is to celebrate Lili's birthday in June.

Picture 3: Team Hoyt 5k in a couple of weeks in Waltham. Truly inspirational. I am thrilled to take part of this.

Picture 4: The granddaddy of them all; The Hartford Marathon. Both Lil and agree we need the training this summer.

Maybe that's why I've been so out of it lately. I don't have that long run time which saved me in so many ways.

Will my heroine wear heels, a push up bra and drive a glass plane?

Who knew Ironman would have struck such a chord? And notice how it's the WOMEN responding? I have many male blog readers who are mysteriously keeping their mouth shut on this one.

First, I was going to wait and dedicate a whole blog to the women of CP and I still will but need to take the time to thank Michelle for buying me the most awesome tee-shirt to celebrate the marathon. She got me a KickAss Cupcake tee-shirt! Michelle is awesome; I think we may be the only two women who train at CP with tattoos (she has the best ones ever), swear like "the guys" and don't think twice about giving The Three Amigos plus Pete total crap. I exclude the girlfriends who train there because under the Girlfriend bylaws they are allowed and in fact expected to dish it out. And they do a damn good job of it too. Michelle also works her ass off-the girl can LIFT.

I have been correcting homework for the past 2 hours and still have a ton left but needed a break. Today ended the first week of the 6 Week Steph Training program. I trained with EC today and it was the first time since the marathon that I felt pretty normal. He's been having me do a lot of static stretching at home to help with the scar tissue. It's weird-I was much more careful about my nutrition this week knowing I had to lift 3x. I've never lifted 3x in a week. Tony is the mastermind behind the nutrition. You should have seen me at the grocery store today; cottage cheese (like every kind imaginable) , eggs, egg whites, spinach, yogurt, veggies galore, pumpkin, almonds, salmon (yes while the rest of my family had spaghetti and meatballs I had salmon.) My two new tubs of protein powder should be arriving soon. Made a killer shake for lunch yesterday-banana protein power, a banana and a tablespoon of Omega Smart Balance peanut butter-freaking awesome! And Sarah to answer the Kashi question. When reviewing my "nutrition plan" with Tony and Eric I asked about my Go Lean and Heart to Heart and I got the nastiest looks. I pleaded, "But it has 9 grams of protein in one serving" and I don't think I can repeat what was said. I think it may have to do with the soy? Maybe the cheezy people on the box? I'm with you-I love that stuff. I asked what I could replace it with, "Count Chocula?" And they said yes! I'm keeping it. It's sad when my "splurge" is Kashi. But I will do this. My eyes are on the prize!

So back to the Superhero thing. I myself wouldn't want a superpower; I have enough issues just being Steph. And Katy, the whole stopping time thing to tell someone off? I do that now! Just ask Aquaman.

So I did a little reading on female superheroes and there are a ton. No one really stuck a chord with me though; Fallen Angel and The Magdalena intrigued me. I can picture her in my head; actually that's not true. I actually wrote a sketch of her today; bits and pieces of her story, quirks, likes, dislikes. But as far as what she looks like aesthetically, I'm unsure. Her superpower? Anything. Totally unpredictable. Which makes life hell for her opponents. To beat her you need to out think her; strategize before she does. Study her every word, mannerism, look at patterns in behavior. But here's the best part. Kind of like the Hulk (by the way saw the trailer for the new movie; Edward Norton is one of my favorite actors; I think he'll be great) she can't control it. Her instinct (which is not controllable) determines what power she will have. So then SHE must exert such self control to TRY to navigate which power will come to be. This one is sort of a lost soul who in this process is trying to figure things out and one of the ways is by studying what power comes out when. Think of how scary and revealing that would be? She would be strong (a deadlifter at heart) and incredibly smart. She invites these challenges and has a sparkle in her eye. Yet there is a sense of melancholy about her. You sense that she's not always there. She would be feminine (part of the new post marathon me is to be more feminine-I have bought three dresses in the past 4 weeks; that's 3 more than I bought all year last year!) But not stupid feminine. Not sure about the footwear-I do love leather boots. The bra situation? Shouldn't she be in a sports bra? Actually, Lululemon has padded sports bras; problem solved. The glass plane? That rightfully belongs to WW.

This idea really fascinates me; I can't believe I've put this much thought into it. But I need help with the drawing of her. Stick people are a challenge for me. I need to find someone who can bring her to life.

Well, time to go and grade more papers. It's already 11:10 and I have so much more to do. Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo. Ole!

Flawed

Disclaimer: I referred to myself, not EC as a potty mouth. He only uses the purest language when inspiring his clients to reach for the stars. In fact two nights ago I told him his next book should be full of classic Cressey quotes while training. In fact just today he texted me with some inspiring words that almost made me crash the car when driving.If you ever want to see the famous EC look of complete disgust, ask him about Kashi cereal. His birthday gift is looking good; a Justin Timberlake cd, the complete Sex and the City dvd set and boxes of Kashi.

And people, Ironman rules.

I had no idea what to expect. Amelia didn't want to go so we took Drew's friend Ben instead (Amelia had a playdate with his sister.) After the first 10 minutes of the movie, I was hooked. Robert Downey Jr was fantastic as Ironman. And though I was skeptical of Gwenth Paltrow, she rocked as Pepper. Both Aquaman and Drew have read a ton of the Ironman comics and were slightly perturbed that I knew nothing. My favorite part of the night is when Ironmonger came on screen and they both whisper, "It's Ironmonger."-totally cracked me up. Now as I said, I am not a comic book expert. But watching tonight really got me to thinking about the themes in comic books, traits all of these superheroes share. I need to learn more because as I was watching, an idea started to form in my head. Finally, focused brain activity.

First, they're usually men, rich men who have experienced the loss of a parent. Their alter ego serves a purpose; typically two fold. Revenge and a quest for self worth which usually involves helping someone. Typically there is "the woman." In the case of Tony Stark, she is the trusted confidante, the one who hold everything together and picks up the pieces and watches as the flawed hero makes mistakes (mostly with other woman.) Becoming their alter ego gives them a sense of purpose, centers them. The transformation of Tony was impressive. He starts out as a rich, self centered, uncaring womanizer and the end as the hero who tries to save the world. I could not stop thinking about this movie, especially why Tony struck such a chord with me.

After Amelia's recital we all went to The Met Bar. I was talking to my brother the film major/comic book guy about it and he delivered the missing link I could not think of; Tony is flawed. He was right. That's why I liked him, was so drawn to him. And even when his transformation took place, he still had a little of that flawed Tony in him. You wanted to care about him. You were rooting for him to make the right choice. Many of the other superhero guys aren't like that. Batman-he shows no emotion as Batman but only as Bruce Wayne. His eyes are dead (at least as Michael Keaton portrayed him and come to think of it Val Kilmer.) Superman-Clark Kent is BORING. He'd be that guy you would describe to your girlfriend as "He's good looking and NICE" (the kiss of death.) Spiderman/Peter Parker? I think my brother said it best, "You'll never be able to look at Peter Parker again in the same way after seeing Ironman." You know what it is? All those guys take the whole hero thing a little too seriously. Tony/Ironman-the guy has passion, he is having the time of his life doing this. His personality adds a dimension to his impressive crimson costume. It's like he merges himself and his alter ego to create this dynamic force of nature.

And the women? Lois Lane, you are pretty stupid for NEVER realizing Clark is Superman? And Mary Jane? All of my visions of her are of screaming for Spidey and hanging off some building. And Batman has a new flavor every day. Pepper? She rocked because she was strong. She knew how Tony operated. There was this mutual respect between them. She held her ground. As MJB would say, "She was a grown woman."

Now once again, I'm referring to movie interpretations which is flawed in itself. We have so many books on Marvel, DC around here that I might actually start doing a little reading on them. I really want to look at the women superheroes. We all know my love for Wonder Woman but I like her because I used to love watch Lynda Carter ride her glass plane as a kid. I don't know her story. Batgirl? Supergirl? They're GIRLS. I want the read deal. Now Catwoman intrigues me. My brother thinks I should look into her. It's like she doesn't want to do good; she fights the goodness in her. I know they are more out there; I need to know their stories.

So it got me to thinking; if I could create one, what would it be? Do? It would be a woman. She would have suffered a traumatic loss. But what would her deal be? She wouldn't be perfect; she would be flawed. I find that the most appealing quality of all.

The Importance of Doing Nothing

I have spent the last 2 and a half hours doing nothing. I stare at my book bag full of papers to be graded, lessons to be planned. I look at my pile of bills which are probably late. I think of all of the odds and ends I need to do yet I just sit here in my pajamas wrapped in my skeleton blanket. I have searched the web looking fro new protein powder, Cupcake tee shirts, songs, the weather, and images and essays on Ophelia, my newest obsession. Why? Because tomorrow is my mom's birthday. These days sneak uo on you and your head thinks you're prepared but the ache in my chest and the distractions of my thoughts tell me I'm not. So instead of trying to do my work, I am allowing myself to do nothing. To lose myself in the act of doing nothing. The only thing I can do is write, hence my unexpected appearance tonight.

She would have turned 59 tomorrow. 59. My mom hated the spotlight; she would have much rather showered attention on someone else. We would have gone out to dinner tomorrow night and the kids would have made homemade cards and I probably would have gotten her some books. I would have teased her that she was one year away from 60 and that golly gee, she could get the senior citizen rate at the movies. I would have asked her if she would like me to buy her a box of Depends and a bottle of Geritol. There would have been a lot of laughter and talk about Amelia's big day on Saturday and she would have asked Drew about the Wampanoag house he made for school. I still can't believe my two will never know her. I can't seem to get my mind around that. Sometimes I feel my sadness is more for them than for me.

I'll get through this rough spot. I always do. I will play some Jimi Hendrix in honor of her tomorrow. Perhaps I'll even wear my Firebird shirt. And I will say a prayer in memory of the love she gave me. She always let me be me and that freedom defined who I became. I hope to do the same for my kids.