Jessica Lea Mayfield drinks Miller Lite

Yeah, you heard it here first.

The Queen of Darkness, the Duchess of Despair, The Angel of Hearbreak. My Jessica Lea who at the tender age of 19 writes the most deliciously depressing lyrics. My Jessica whose lyrics cut me open like a wound, the one who takes my psyche to deep, dark and introspective places, yes that Jessica Lea drinks beer. And not just any beer. Miller Lite. Out of a can.

Can you not see the expression on my face upon discovery of this revelation? In addition to being a self proclaimed food snob, I am a self proclaimed beer snob (and thought the hubby was too until he ordered beer-in a can (and drank it out of the can)-before downing two bottles of a velvety Brunello mind you-on a recent night out.) Apparently it worked out.

Why did this throw me you ask? I'm still not sure. I guess I just thought that for someone who was so tormented that she would drink something else. But hey, what do I know.

Honestly, the concert didn't go as I had planned and once again I have learned that the unexpected is a gift. Jessica has one EP and one LP out. Not a huge musical catalog. The two songs that haunt me, that I sing 24 hours a day in the fake red highlight head are The One That I Love Best and You've Won Me Over. I was thinking, she's got to sing at least one of them. Of course she didn't. I am seriously starting to get a complex from folky/country singers not singing the songs that split me open. I mean how many times have I seen Lori McKenna and she has not sang Beautiful Man?

But something happened. First, back up. We were right in front of the stage, complete with a speaker to lean on (the bodyguard/tissue holder gets an A+ for that one) so we could not have physically been closer. Cheap red wine in a plastic cup ready to go. She was the first of two opening acts so the place was half empty (stupid mistake concert goers-oh yeah, I am the one that missed Paramore as an opening act-duh) so it was quite the intimate setting. She came out and the second she sang that first word, that low, haunting almost unaffected voice that sings of emotions so painful came out and added a dimension that is lost on recordings. It was as if you were almost drinking her words. Beautiful. She sang two new ones, and as she said, "My songs are all about boys" and what's so interesting about her is that she gave a little peek into her songwriting process. She said, "These are all about one night." Notice not one guy. One night. She's diving into her conflicted and I'm guessing changing emotions of one night and writing about them. This is why she rocks; she is not scared to explore the ever changing emotion and fragility of love/lust and disappointment.

Half way through her set I just kind of knew that she wasn't going to sing my songs so decided to let it go and what do you know, a song that I have heard countless times and loved came on-Kiss Me Again (of course could I remember the title immediately after the concert when trying to explain to the tissue holder-no-maybe I should lay off the highlights? Nah) and I experienced that song in a whole new way. It's a sad one but when I saw her sing it live, it wasn't just sad, there was beauty in the sadness. I mean when she sang, "I guess my life is just falling apart" it was like she was kind of okay with that because she knew it had to happen. And do you want to know what's kind of creepy? When did I discover Jessica? Last spring when my little crooked spine life was falling apart. Not a coincidence. I realized that standing there; Blasphemy so Heartfelt was the soundtrack to my Mexican ass falling off that wall.

So back to the beer. She drank out of Miller Lite can when performing. Jess sweetie, maybe this is why you are so sad? We decided to stay up close for the rest of the show; why not? Justin Townes Earle followed and was quite entertaining in a Buddy Holly kind of way. Imagine a guy from Tennessee singing about his mama and fried chicken. It really worked and the crowd loved him. Knowing my bladder like I do, I decided to do the bathroom/beer run before Dan Auerbach came out. I'm at the bar still thinking about her set and I see the Miller Lite bottle and decide to go for it. If it's good enough for Jessica, it's good enough for me. After almost punching some chick out who wasn't going to let me through to the front (didn't believe that I really was up there; seriously, I was going to do something to her-the bodyguard told me later I should have told her about my training-good idea, I could have bulgarian single leg squatted her right there) I finally make my way up unsure about the reaction to my purchase. Jessica must be on to something because the review was, "Strangely, Miller Lite washes the cheap red wine down nicely." Couldn't have said it better myself.

Even as I write, I think my ears are still ringing. Understand we were right next to the speaker. We could read the setlist we were that close. Dan and his band came out and gave the green tea performance of the year. Two drum sets, an organist, two guitarists and a bass. And maracas, there were maracas everywhere (I swear at least three of them were Mexican.) The energy, the loudness (all I could pretty much hear was the guitar; Dan's voice was kind of drowned out) and the variety in his sound all came together. I have given this cd to three people now and they all said the same thing; awesome. You listen to one song, the next one comes on and you're like, is this the same guy? It's like that for the entire cd. Called Keep it Hid (and you can bet it will be on my Top 5 Steph cd review of 2009). I mean just look at them.

Today was kind of rough on only 4 1/2 hours of sleep but nothing like a triple espresso to get you going. I trained tonight and walk in and apparently I forgot to take my drinking bracelet off-oopsies-and its bright pink. Scary looks at me and says, "Where did you go Funtown Steph?" Yeah Bri, my life IS Funtown. I told him and I get the "How many concerts do you go to? Once a week?"

I start to say no but then realize that for the next five weeks, I am going to a concert once a week. Yes!! Jessica and Dan this week, Land of Talk next week, The Pixies after that, Brand New/Manchester Orchestra the following and then Arctic Monkeys after that. Christmas came early this year for Steph!

Everyone thinks I'm crazy because I do love to go to shows. No. Everyone has their thing. Some people like to shop (oh, I do that.) Some people like to go to cool restaurants (oh, guilty of that), some people have season tickets to sporting events (damn, okay but so far am only scheduled to go to a few games.) The point is seeing live music takes me to a place where I can think. Where I can feel. I don't know how to explain it, it organizes me somehow. Where I get the recharge. And now where I can drink Miller Lite and be totally okay with it. So I lied; my next concert is not Land of Talk, it's Star Wars in Concert this weekend.

May the force be with me. I leave with For Today by Jessica. Yes, I was that close. "I was walking with your left hand in my back pocket and I stared at the sky while you kissed me."

And then she had a Miller Lite................

Strength vs. Endurance

Okay this one is going to take a few sessions. At the moment I am sitting underneath a hairdryer at the salon with a ton of foil in my hair hoping to go even redder. I'm not quite ready to go back to my fake cousine of Eva Longoria Parker blonde self yet but my last color was a little too Debbie Downer for me. I mean I'm deep and all but there are some definite Swiss chesse holes in this cabeza of mine. I'm hoping fake red will be a nice combination of deep/intellectual hot librarian with with a little Lucy Ricardo thrown in.

So this one has been coming for awhile; notice how I really haven't been talking about my "training" or "marathon plans." I'm going to pre-empt this right now and say that I'm probably going to get some things wrong that will make the coaching friends I have choke on their protein powder or drop a 50 pound weight on their foot or something (and by the way if someone EVER dropped a 50 pound weight on their foot in front of me you can bet your Metabolic Drive that I would not say, "I can't believe you did that. You really are a klutz." Cough, cough guy who just got married.)

I try to make connections, connect the dots in my life when I can. If I don't I feel like I am somehow cheating myself out of a learning experience. So I'm going to try to make sense of the developments of the past few weeks and how this is going to shape my future.

My marathon career is over. In fact anything over a half marathon is pretty much over. In fact honestly, I was told anything over a 10k was not a good idea. You see after living on this earth for 29 years (swear to the Flat Iron Goddess when I was checking out at the salon today and was scheduling my next appointment and told her 6 weeks she said, "Oh honey wait until you hit 30, you'll be in every 4 weeks for a touch up color." So right now, I'm 29 according to Beth Hair Salon receptionist extradionaire) I was just informed that I have mild scoliosis. This explains EVERYTHING. I mean everything. My injuries, my left side versus right size discrepancy, my balancing issues, my major stabilization issues, pelvic and hip issues and yes, back issues. You see a few years ago I was diagnosed with a disc issue in my lower left back. Dealt with it. This summer I did something (I still don't know what) to my right back. It bugged me all summer and was not getting better so I finally went to the doctor. Then as only I would I really did something to it while deadlifting. Last set, last rep; had CP staff right there coaching me, I have lifted heavier that what I was doing. It was just one of those things. The instant I started coming down, I felt it. Doctor said not a disc issue and ordered PT, core work (oh yeah because you know I never have that in my program) and to really re-think the long distance running. Yeah, heard this song before.

The last few weeks have been hell. I'm on the stay straight training program, which basically means no bending and one leg work and a ton of upper body. And cardio-walking on the treadmill. Yeah, I've been fun to live with and coach. Whine, wine and more wine. I was very resistant to PT and wanted to talk to my sports thearpy/chiropractor/deep tissue doc. He is someone that I actually listen to and am always amazed by his knowledge. I brought him my xrays and he looks at them and says, "You know you have mild scoliosis right? See that curve in your spine?"

No, in my 29 but not really 29 years of living no one has ever told me that.

But it all makes sense. And Dr. Morgan explained it to me so well, and mind you he's been digging his elbow into my hip, massaging my left glute (and I mean that in the most unsexy way ever) for 2 years now. He knows how I work. And it was creepycool how he sat there and with my body showed me how the scoliosis affected my movement patterns, the way I run, my internal/external rotation. And how running another marathon would pretty much be more stupid than dropping a 50 lb weight on your foot. He has ALWAYS told me (and mind he is a BM finisher himself) that endurance running for ME is not the most optimal sport. My body was just not designed for it. But that's where I would agree but then say but I work with some of the best strength coaches in the country who design programs to work on my issues and that I run the least mileage that I can. But after seeing my xrays with the nice curve and seeing with my own two eyes how training for another marathon was going to affect my right now slightly beat up body (but strangely enough, my jeans are looser) I got it. I got what 3 big dudes in Hudson, MA have been trying to tell me for years.

Why, why did it take an xray of my slightly crooked spine to make me get it? Why had I been hanging on to the marathon for so long? And then today when on the stepmill (an approved machine) I got why and I also got a glimpse into my future.

The marathon for me was all about endurance; getting through 26.2 hellish miles. I had made it through September 11, 2001 when my mom and almost 3,000 others hadn't. I had made it through 6 years of living without her when I ran my first marathon. I had made it through learning of the discovery of her remains. I had made it through holding the items they found of hers from the WTC site and holding her credit cards (seriously, they found her credit cards-a sign to continue the Cora shopping legacy.) I had made it through my entire life being shunned by my biological father. Yeah, great guy he is. I had made it through hitting rock bottom in so many things of my life and then finding the will and desire to fight back. It's all about falling off that wall and picking up the pieces and putting them together again. Endurance. Keep on going. Prove that you can. I have proved on so many levels that I have endurance.

But endurance is very different from strength. And strength is not my strongpoint on so many levels (okay totally and completely did not mean to write that horrid analogy but we'll keep it.) Don't get me wrong, I got muscle. Just the other day the husband was like "Nice guns there." But all my endurance stuff kind of kept me from making the strides I could with the strength. And in my personal life? Um, let us remember the daily meltdowns this past spring. Don't get me wrong, I'm strong. But not as strong or and endurally (pretty sure I just made up this word right here) strong as I would like to be. I get that we are all human and have our vulnerabilities but I'd like to get more sets and rep of the curveballs life throws me before crumbling apart. Make sense?

So in looking to the future, I'm concentrating on strength now. For the immediate future it's all about the upper body. He who is not my boyfriend is always like, "We're going to get your bench press over 100lbs." Okay, guess now is the time to go for it. The unassisted band Scary/He Who is not my boyfriend pullups would be a good goal too. I'm pretty sure my deadlifting career has ended (no loading the spine) but am confident that He who laughed when I dropped the 50lb plate on my foot (and truth be told I laughed too and the reason I dropped it-had just gotten a manicure and didn't want to mess it up) is going to come up with some things that will be having me yell "I hate you!" in the gym. I guess this means that I will in some ways be working on being emotionally and intellectually stronger too. Think about it; I would love to when given a doozy to instead fall apart, have the strength to stand on those two legs (which after all the single leg work I 've been doing should be damn strong thank you.)

Of course it's Sunday night now and I have a whole lot of bills to pay and laundry to do. Right now I am mentally preparing myself for the musical pool of tears awaiting me tomorrow night. Finally, finally I will get to see The Queen of Darkness, Ms. Jessica Lea Mayfield. She's opening for Dan Auerbach. I am going to see an OPENING act. Me, who missed Paramore the first time when they opened for No Doubt. In fact when I see Land of Talk in two weeks, they are opening for another band. Now that is musical obsession dedication right right there. The thing is, I checked out Dan and liked what I heard so ordered the cd. Um, can we say blown away. Here's a little snippit of what I will be doing in about 24 hours from now. (And don't you think I would make the cutest crooked spine Mexican girl maraca player with fake red highlights in the background?)

Deliciously Depressing

Today was one of those beautiful New England Sundays when the sun was beaming, the leaves scattered the streets like a well thought out mosaic yet there was just enough of a chill in the air to remind us of the winter to come. I decided to take a much needed deep thinking hour long walk. So I set off looking forward to some alone time with my mind and still in a great mood after our Halloween celebration last night with friends (and you heard it here first, I will be writing a blog about someone who believe it or not is ten times funnier than me and is one of the only people I will allow to call me at 6:00 a.m. in the morning with piss in your pants funnyisms. Meet Grranimal.)

I put the iPod on shuffle and am hoping for some upbeat Ryan M, maybe some Feist, you know upbeat but mellow it's Sunday morning walk music. First up; The Dresden Dolls. Real uplifting. Next; Lori McKenna. Queen of heartbreak. Followed by Natalie Merchant (could anything be more depressing than In Your Skin?) Then to really put the stake in the heart these lyrics pour into my headphones:

Come get me drunk

Tell me I'm pretty

Tell me you want me by your side

Make me fall apart

Try as hard as you can

To let the pieces fall in your hand

And I'll kiss you tonight

And you tell me that I look sad

And you tell me that I look sad

No, no not Jessica Lea Mayfield. Not Jessica she who writes such raw lyrics full of love lost and wasted (and has like the best short hair ever.)

Okay, quick diversion here because would it really be a Stephentry if I didn't go off topic? I knew Jessica was coming to Boston a few months ago and was ready to drown myself in Pinot because I couldn't go. Me, the girl who has written about her many times, in fact I am pretty sure I wrote something to the effect of, "she could be one of the most influential songwriters of our time." Okay, I take her quite seriously and I was going to miss her? What could possibly make me miss her?

The scream heard around my block: MISS MILEY. No, no, no. You see I had bought tickets to take my mini me to see her earlier this summer. And of course they are the same night. I know how much mini-me wanted to see her and I knew that this was just going to be one of those things that I must do as a mom. I love my girl and didn't want to disappoint (this is the girl who once spent all weekend trying to learn Misery Business on Guitar Hero.) Love, love my girl.

So I had conveniently pushed it out of my head until he who is now known as The Tissueholder asked if I was going. I sadly told him I wasn't and explained. But after my explanation I really got to thinking. I've been thinking a lot lately; my head hurts.

1. I took her to see Miley Cyrus two years ago.

2. I took her to see The Jonas Brothers.

3. I took her to see The Cheetah Girls. In New Hampshire.

4. I took her to see Demi Lovato and that creepycute David Tarantula kid from American Idol who looks like Eddie Munster.

5. HER FATHER HAS TAKEN HER TO NONE OF THE ABOVE.

Still though, I was having this guilt thing and I wasn't sure where it was coming from. Then The Hannah Montana Goddess intervened. Seems that one of her BFFs is also going. With her dad. It's the in thing to do this concert season if you're 8. Have dad take you so you can sucker him into Miley Montana merchandise that mom would wisely say no to. But still, I didn't say a thing. Until, "Maybe I should go with Dad?"

Within 2 minutes I had Jessica Lea Mayfield tickets.

I know, some of you are sitting there shaking your head. Get over it; she's going on a double date with her BFF and the dads. They're doing dinner. Aquaman who is oh so thrilled that he is going (actually when I mentioned maybe he take her so I could go see JLM I got this dirty look but when she asked it was like, "Of course, anything for my girl." And you have to understand he and I are like the least sappy people in the world-wait, let's back up here even more.) When I first played him JLM (because I would walk around the house singing "And you tell me that I look sad") he told me, "She's alright but I think I would fall asleep after the first few songs." Rule 8790 in The Tao of StephySpice; if you in any was dis an artist that Steph is obsessed with on any level then you automatically get taken off the invite list. But it gets better; Jessica is actually opening for Dan Auerbach. I liked what I had heard so ordered the cd and it is easily one of the most unique and stripped down to the raw music cds I have heard in a long time. So Aquaman hears it and goes, "Damn, now this is music. If I had known he was playing with her I would have gone." Sorry Sweetie, but if you insult Ms. And you tell me that I look sad, then you will be sad that you can't go. (Okay, he never reads this blog but I just told him what I wrote and he gave me one of those, you are so snarky-is snarky a word?- but totally cracking me up right now looks.) Have fun at Miley sweetie buns!

Ohhh, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the hour of heartbreak, misery and tears on my beautiful morning walk. So You've Won Me Over by JLM comes on and I'm like, you have got to be kidding me. But then I realize something. This music on this glorious Sunday morning is actually just what I needed. I am listening to every word, sigh, utterance of disbelief. The music is acting as some gravitational force pulling all of my thoughts together. It is Deliciously Depressing (but not as delicious as the Take 5 candy bars the kids got-OMG, pretzels in the chocolate?)

I listened to some stuff that I haven't too in a long time and it was like seeing old friends again. Problem is even as I sit here and write, those 8 words are still ringing in my ears like a vicious cycle.

And you tell me that I look sad.

I love the fact that I am getting so much out of Debby Downers like Natalie, Jessica, Imogen and Lori when I am so not sad right now. I'll try to post some of the best I want to drink Draino and die songs this week. YouTube was having some issues tonight. November should be rich with entries:

Jessica Lea Mayfield/Dan Auerbach concert

Land of Talk Concert

Star Wars in Concert-laugh all you want you Padawans

The Pixies-(just screamed and scared Cujo Jr.)

L-S Reunion (just bought our tickets and won't even write what Mr. Positive just said about having to pay $75 per ticket for "rubber chicken and a Coke.")

And of course the most defining moment of this month.

NEW MOON OPENS. Did you hear me? NEW MOON OPENS. Oh Edward and Jacob, only 19 more days until we are one again. Okay, I'm going to stop now before I really write something I am going to regret.

Oh my my, Oh my my it has come to this

Okay this is the second night in a row that I am wide awake at 12:41 a.m. Why? I've got lots of stuff going on in the Mexican cabeza but honestly, it keeps coming back to this.

This song. According to Senor iPod I have listened to this song......way too many times to admit. If there was ever a song that really defined me musically it would be this one. I can't explain it. I listen to this entire cd at least 2x a day. Each time I listen, I get something else out of it. I'm thinking it has to do with the breakdown of the chorus in the last part of the song. I honestly don't know but had to share this because I go to sleep with An Horse in my head and I wake up wth An Horse in my head. I guess it's better than waking up with a horse. We all know my #1 cd in life is In Rainbows by Radiohead. Rearrange Bed by An Horse is easily, easily #2. And those of you who know my love of Radiohead know that I when I say that, I mean it. Spend the $7.99 people and buy this cd.

So............

So.......

There have been so many so...........s in my life the past week.

So......

1. Yes, I am still running the marathon.

2. Yes, I have had a pretty turbulent week full of highs and lows.

3. Yes, I went to two concerts in 48 hours and am going to Rodrigo y Gabriela on Friday night. It's about time; that drought in the summer was horrible.

4. Yes, I'm on week two of my new program and I still screamed "I hate you" to Scary about 6 times tonight. And he returned the biggest freakin evil smile ever.

5. Yes, my husband actually listened to me and kept some of the season Celtic tickets. First game we're going to; November 20th. November 20th. Is he serious? Does he not know what is opening that day?

6. And yes, I can say with 100% sincerity that the concert of the year for me was the one I had the least expectations for. I read a lot about "complete proteins" (still really not sure what makes them so complete; I mean is there some container of cottage cheese laying around crying because he's missing part of his soul?) The An Horse/Cage the Elephant/Silversun Pickups show was one of those experiences that punched me in the gut. And people, it was the two opening acts that blew the roof of Lupo's.

Let's back up. First, Paramore rocked. It was like the biggest and happiest sing-a-long in the world. Their lyrics are just so good. "If I'm a bad person you don't like me. Well I guess I'll make my own way. It's a circle, a mean cycle. I can't excite you anymore. Where's your gavel? Your jury? What's my offense this time? You're not a judge but if you're going to judge me. Well sentence me to another life. Don't want to hear your sad songs. I don't want to feel your pain. When you swear it's all my fault, 'cause you know we're not the same. No, we're not the same, oh no we're not the same. Yeah I've got friends who stuck together. We wrote our names in blood. But I guess that you can't accept that change is good. Change is good. Well you treat me just like another stranger. Well it's nice to meet you sir. Now guess I'll go, best be on my way. Ignorance is your new best friend." Mini me and I love singing that one together. Damn Haley, you tell those boys who wanted to screw you over. See me in my concert tee; the name tag says, "Hello my name is IGNORANCE."

Oh, what's that drumstick you ask? Oh that would be the DRUMSTICK THAT ZACH THREW AND RICOCHETED OFF MY HEAD THAT I GOT TO TAKE HOME. Not a big deal it all. So over it.

So..................

I was looking forward to the SSPU concert. I saw them two years ago with Frooty Patooty and loved them. Their latest cd Swoon is one of my top 5 cds of the year. I had maybe heard one song of Cage the Elephant and liked it and had never heard of An Horse. I was bummed because Aquaman backed out about a week before the concert. Our week of seeing the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs and Dinosaur Junior topped with Scary's wedding and working all weekend in Maine had pretty much wiped him out. No worries though because I was going with completely fun people who have awesome taste in music, cured meats, wine and know so much about hockey (totally got a tutorial on the ride to Providence.) The concert started early; 6:00. I wasn't planning on getting there early but he who will now be known as my Bodyguard suggested we see all three bands and I decided why not? I'm pretty sure (but am too lazy to check) that I wrote how I had discovered An Horse and that their cd Rearrange Beds is the cd of the year for me and I still hold to that. So as we headed down to Providence, I was psyched to see An Horse (because people, that is pretty much all I have been listening to) and of course SSPU. I have the Cage cd and played it a few times and loved what I heard but was so pre-occupied with An Horse that did not think much of it. Big mistake Steph.

After having my Sharpie confiscated by security but not my camera, we grab the obligatory see band in small cool venue beer and get pretty close to the stage. An Horse comes out and does not disappoint. There is just something about their sound that has completely turned my insides upside down. Mellow yet harsh. Poppish yet deep. Shoes Watch is my favorite song and they ended with it and the guitar riff at the end completely got me. So Happy. We go for round #2 and when we return we realize that those who were saving our places let, hmmm, what shall we call him? Waldo Freddy Kruger squeeze his way in front of us. Good job guys.

So I'm standing there still replaying An Horse's set and thinking, Cage will put on a good set before SSPU when OMG, is that Ricky Shroeder comes out on to the stage.

Seriously, I looked at Heidi and said, "The lead singer must be 12 and looks like Ricky Shroeder viva Silver Spoons era.

Then I was run over by this band.

Triple OMG with Cool Whip and a cherry on top this band tore down the place. I mean, tore it down. Their cd sounds more southern alt rock; think KOL with a little Arctic Monkeys. Maybe even some Stones influence. Live? They are 100% in your face, get down and boogy and spill beer all over you punk with some southern twangs. After the first song, I was tired just watching these guys put everything they had into their performance. Every single person was jamming with them. Out of nowhere (well at least to me who was standing behind FreddyWaldoKrueger) comes this rhythm guitarist who is just hot. Their 45 minute set was one of the best that I have ever seen.

So over round #3 I was contemplating, how is SSPU going to top Cage? Well, they were really great and the crowd was so into it but I don't know, maybe it's because I was so floored by Cage but the second opening band stole this show. Except for one thing during the SSPU set. Remember Waldo/Freddy Krueger guy?

Well, after an unfortunate little incident during Sort Of (my favorite song off Swoon of course) he is now known as Burning Hair Dude. Thankfully no one got hurt (and muchas gracias to the bodyguard for pushing potential moshers away and acting as a barricade for petite she can deadlift 215lbs right now-working towards 225-little me. I highly recommend taking a bodyguard to all concert experiences with potential moshing and body surfing.) It was more of a "What just happened" flash of burning light and a rancid smell in the air experience. That I of course busted up about.

I of course have to pee so duck out to the ladies room for the last SSPU song. I decide to buy an An Horse tee shirt so go over to the table. I look up to the guy helping me and Triple Whipped Cream with Jimmies on top it's the drummer. And next to him is the singer and guitarist. All I remember saying is something to the effect of, "I love you, I love your cd, I love you, I love your cd." I handle stardom so well. Here are my new BFFs and I.

So I'm trying to find my concert companions after the show ('cause I am friggin starving) and Heidi comes up and yells to me, "I JUST MET MATT FROM CAGE AND GOT A HUG!" "SHUUUT UP!" I screamed back. She grabbed me and took me to meet him. I'm standing in line and Bodyguard says, "Check out the Cougar in the eighties clothing." For a split second I'm thinking maybe it really is Ricky Schoeder and he brought along the nice mom from Growing Pains with the bad perm. I glance over to see the most delicious feathered hair, high waist acid wash jeans with purple flannel blouse with shoulder pads woman. Love at first sight. We may have different styles but I loved her for being 100% her. Until she wouldn't let go of my new BFF, Matt the Cage the Elephant singer.

He took a picture with her, gave her the hug and then was ready for the next person. She kept hugging him again and again and harder and harder. Listen lady, go to the back of the line and let me hug him. She was squeezing him like a bottle of mustard. I feared for his skinny little life. Finally, my turn. I blubber something like, "I go to a lot of shows, this was the best, please come to Boston." So he hugs me once. I blubber some more and say something so profound that I forgot but that prompted him to say, "Oh man, I just have to hug you again." Go for it Ricky.

We finally leave and I look at my spectacular concert companions and go, "Boston for dinner anyone?" I mean seriously Steph it's like 10:00 and you are in Rhode Island and you want to go to Boston for dinner? Of course. And of course being the awesome people that they are all go, "Let's go!"

After a very nice accidental tour of Providence we end up on Newbury Street at Sonsie where we had a great conversation about wine over duck, lamb and pizza. Yes, I started my night in a bar in Rhode Island drinking beer in the midst of moshing to alternative southern punk and ended up at one of Boston's hot spots drinking wine over gourmet cuisine. And that dear readers is the key to being me. It doesn't matter where you are; what matters is what you want to get out of the experience, the people you surround yourself with and of course the mind you bring to it.

My new BFF Matt the singer from Cage the Elephant (find it kind of funny that he shares the same moniker as the bodyguard) told me first hand that they are trying to come to Boston before the end of the year. I AM SO THERE.

Here is just a glimpse of what I experienced on Saturday. Seriously people, does he not look like Ricky Shroeder?

OMG, You're a Handful

Alright, I'm just going to say it. I'm running the 2010 Boston Marathon.

Get over it.

I'm not a liar. When I said I wasn't going to run it again, I meant it. When I got the email from BMC asking me to join the team, I hit delete and didn't think twice. I've written here about my aversion to long distance running. Just a mere 5 hours ago I was telling one of the CP interns how marathon running destroys you. In the car yesterday I told the kids, "I don't have to train in the winter anymore!" Aquaman and I were actually looking at vacationing in April instead of February that's how serious I was about not running it.

And as I know only too well, everything can change in a second.

SistahSled changed her profile pic on FB (I know, my life changed because of a FB post, get over it, read on.) It was of her at mile 25 hugging the young boy she ran for as part of the Dana Farber team. It just struck me in the heart. That's what its all about. Doing something for somebody else. Digging dip. Monday I sent some sappy text to Fruity Patooty wishing her luck on a race and wrote something about running with your heart. Today I wore one of my BM training shirts and started getting sad. And thinking. What had I done? Being miserable for 18 long runs is part of who I am.

On Monday I started a new program that left me in a puddle of sweat. I mean it was ridiculous. Tonight was no walk in the park either. But here's the thing; I surprised myself at the numbers I got on some of my lifts and circuits. I think, or maybe it was the newlywed euphoria still in effect, that Scary was kind of shocked too. 12 sets of sledge hammers and 11 sets of kettlebell swings in 10 minutes? First week? I have so much room to improve but I have also come a long way. But I started thinking, I'm in better shape now than I was last year. I have time to do some of the longer runs in the afternoons. I know, I know. My body was not built to run. There's nothing I can do about that. But what I can do and am lucky enough to afford, is to surround myself with people to make sure that I am getting stronger, work on inefficiencies, and make sure I'm good to go. Will I shave off time? I think not. Is that important? I think not. Did I finish the last two uninjured? Yes. Am I going to be smart about my training. I'll tell you this; much smarter than the last two.

My friend Jessica who ran the last 10 miles of the last one with me has asked why I never wrote about this past marathon. She saw the ugliness I went through. I still don't know why (maybe I did but I don't think so but you never know; my life has been full of senior moments lately.) But I do know this. The last .2 miles of that race was one of the most painful yet beautiful experiences of my life. Turning on to Boylston I had this out of body experience (and how I wishing I was out of my body.) All of a sudden Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol (a top 5 Steph song) came on my iPod and I saw all the people in my life that I loved, that brought me laughter, love, friendship, support and hope. And then, then I saw just the three most important people in my life with such clarity and I felt at peace. Then I heard her voice, "You're almost home Steph." For once my mom was wrong, I was at home. It really was such moment that going that it is worth having such clarity, feeling so at peace. That course holds such meaning in my life. I've proved so many things, suffered, learned so much about myself, made life changing decisions. And helped other people. Do you know how lucky I am? I have a home. Heat. I can go to the grocery store and not worry about what I spent. I have health insurance. My biggest problem right now is what new HD tv to get. My children feel safe.

On the way home from CP tonight, I was a mess-literally-what is up with all the sweat? I have nothing to prove this time, nothing to get through. Why can't I run it for the sole purpose of helping others? I knew that my friend Lisa who ran last year for Housing Families was going to run again this year for them. She's on the board so I had decided to email her when I got home to see about being on the team. I open up the MacBook and her FB post (I know, damn FB again) is asking for interested runners to email her. They only have 15 bibs. Freak out in the kitchen; it was a sign. 15 bibs. Only 15 runners to raise money to make sure that families in need have what every human has the right to; shelter. One email, one immediate phone call back and I'm on the team. I told the kids and they were like, "Mom, you promised no more." I explained why and my little girl, my heart said, "That is so cool that you are running to help people have a home." My boy; "Mom, you are crazy but I want to train so I can run 2 miles with you." There was just one more sell. He came home from the gym and I gave him that famous Steph smile that says, "Don't hate me but." I told him. He was shocked but also completely got it. "You never cease to surrprise me. There is always something with you."

So why am I running? Because I can. And strangely enough at 6:48 p.m. today, because I wanted to with all my heart. Housing Families motto is "Transforming Lives." This marathon has in many ways transformed mine. I can't wait to see what I get out of it again. I have learned from she who changed her FB picture and started all of this that you do things because you can. You give. You look forward (keep the eyes on the Pru Steph on April 19th) and find strength. So, am I a liar? I hope not. Did I have a change of heart? More like my heart is ready to open up for 26.2 more miles.

Does that mean I'm a handful? I don't care if it doesn't-I need a good transition. This band, An Horse. Brilliant. Best $7.99 I have ever spent. This cd, Revolving Beds is the cd of the year for me. I will write about them later but this song, this song is like my life story. "OMG, I'm a handful......"

26.2 miles, 18 weeks of training and $3,500 that I am raising so a child can lay her head on a pillow in a warm bed in the comforts of a home, here I come.

You really didn't think I would let you do this without me?

He did not just do a Spiderman walk on the dancefloor..............

Oh, the pressure.

At least 5 times yesterday, I heard someone say, "Can't wait to see what you blog about this."

And, and someone came up to me at the wedding and said, "Are you Steph? I read your blog. I feel like I know you."

See Tony, you aren't the only one who gets recognized.

So, this blog should really be about Brian (I was told to call him that and not Scary out of respect that he just got married and all but hello, his nickname is a sign of respect. He still scares me. He lets me get away with NOTHING and it's his face I see as I look at the pretzel bag contemplating a salty treat. It's usually saying, "How's that nutrition going Steph?" (Sidenote; I was back on the BSP nutritional plan this past week and am ready to rumble with the new program he wrote for me starting today. And if you're going to go through hight protein and carb deficit, take a partner along for a ride. At moments of weakness in the CVS Halloween candy aisle, you can text for support. You and I are so on Newbury Street jean shopping when this is all over Sistah.) This blog was supposed to be about Brian and his beautiful new bride who is not scary in any shape, mean or form. She is the sweetest thing ever. But in reviewing the pictures, it became quite evident that this was going to be about someone else.

I was quite humbled when I got the invitation and immediately started looking for kid and dog sitters. I am not one to miss a wedding but honestly, was just really hoping I could catch one of the CP coaches shoving cake in their mouth. I really consider my CP friends like extended family and was so happy to be able to share this special day with the crew.

After awakening at the crack of dawn, getting the kids settled and dropping the dogs off we were headed to Maine by 8:30. After unexpectedly running into he who will be discussed at great lengths later in this entry on the road we finally arrive at the hotel with not much time to spare. We are unloading the car when I notice that the bag with the boots that took me 2 weeks to find, my nylons and the new Betsy Johnson bag is missing. Not there. Guess whose job it was to pack the bags in the car? Yeah, thanks a lot Mr. Black Socks.

Thank goodness Wife Spice always is prepared and thew in a pair of back up shoes just in case. If I hadn't I would have been wearing my Uggs and would have had to stop at the gas station to buy a bag of Cheetos and a Red Bull to complete my Britney look. Oh, and a Venti Frapuccino.

As we are approaching the town center I see this monstrous and grandeur Cathedral like church. I kiddingly say, "Wouldn't that be funny if that's where Brian is getting married?" HolyChobaniAlmonds, it WAS the church he was getting married in. My motherly instincts took over and suddenly I felt very nervous for him. I mean this place had Lady Di and Prince Charles could have gotten married in it written all over it.

Like always, Brian was as cool as a cucumber (with string cheese, remember, protein at all meals and snacks) and his bride looked stunning. Even my husband collector of black socks commented on how beautiful her dress was and how the tasteful the bridesmaids dresses were. See?

Oh, if only he looked that happy when telling standing there with the stopwatch telling me to "move it" during a circuit.

As I alluded to earlier, in reviewing the pictures and trying to come up with a theme to weave this lovely day together, it became quite evident that some um, unlovely pictures of someone else whom I adore like Scary I mean Brian but whom I also feel compelled to pile it on each time I see him (and he gladly reciprocating.) If Brian is the little brother I'm scared of then Tony is the little brother that I hide fake snakes in his bed so I can hear him scream like a little girl all while I lmao.

We walk into the country club for the reception and there is an inviting hot bowl of cider near the name card table. Tony heads over to get some. A few moments later I see him making a face and then see that he is trying to eat the cinnamon sticks left out for garnish.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to eat this."

"It's a cinnamon stick. You're not supposed to. It's to stir it."

I wish I could say that I was really grown up and mature and discreetly told him to throw it out but sadly, I was not and completely lost it. And major points to his extraordinary girlfriend (loves flamenco, awesome sense of humor, great taste, ate cake; listen to me now Tony do not screw this up or I will be sending you a copy of Anaconda along with your Best of Coldplay dvd) for not leaving when her date tried to eat the stirrer. (Of course later at the table I asked Tony if he'd like an acorn from the centerpiece to nibble on between courses.)

There were Vegas style bets on whether the great CP staff would actually have ONE drink or, or be even more reckless and have a piece of cake. I am happy to say that I did see them eat at least a bite of cake (the guy sitting next to me ate 2; guess those cinnamon sticks just weren't filling enough.) But boys and girls, don't try this at home without adult supervision. Look what happened to Mr. Magnificent Mobility aka Eric Cressey after one bite of cake and a few glasses of water.

I call this one The Dangers of Icing Consumption.

Before going in Tony asks me if I he could put something in my pocketbook (seeing how I had to take in the oversized bag since someone forgot my other one.) I agree thinking it will be his wallet or camera. He tells me he wants me to carry 3 cans of Spike. Um, no Tony. The "plan" was to put maybe a shot of vodka in the Spike. The only thing that made it in the Spike was ice.

Wow, double tounging the Spike there. Wild times at table 11.

Now, I have to admit that among being able to drink two Spikes at once, Tony does have two other great things going for him; he can "dress" (we'll forgive his maroon and red gym outfit) and he can dance. Seems his love for techno has done him so good. In fact all of the CP guys looked very dashing (their dates of course looked fantastic but that was completely expected) and hold on to your trap bar here, they can all dance. I write this with 100% sincerity. That front desk guy? Burning up the dance floor. And The Boss? Out there for consecutive songs; we're talking at least a half hour straight before taking a break. People, there was a time when I was on the dance floor with all of them dancing to Michael Jackson. You heard it here first.

Aquaman or maybe I should start calling him he who forgot his wife's bag, was kind of banking on the guys not to dance and was like "Oh no" when he saw everyone headed out to the dance floor. We have gone through major intensive dance therapy and he really is a lost cause. But now he has a new excuse. We're out there and I'm trying to tell him to loosen up and this is what he says, "You can't blame me. During my evaluation Tony said I have hip hinge issues and that's why I can't bend. That's why I can't dance." Thanks a lot Tony for giving him a valid excuse.

But out of all three of them, there was one that stood out with his Dancing with Stars moves. And I was smart enough to bring my camera out with me (as did the First Lady of CP.)

Here he is doing The Robot (but honestly, Front Desk guy's girlfriend was better at it.)

A little air guitar? Seriously though, points for the tie Tony. Fantastic color.

Okay, I'm not really sure what he's doing here. We were at the table taking a break and I look up and see him posing and instantly reach for the camera to capture this special moment.

Dude, do you deadlift? Sadly I did not have my camera with me when I caught him on the dance floor doing Spiderman walks with a hip lift. For those of you who have no idea what that is, it's a move they make us do doing our warm up. It's basically a stretch with a lunge. Not intended for the dance floor. At all.

We closed the place down and were able to bid farewell to Brian and Anna before they left on their honeymoon. It was so nice to catch up with everyone outside the gym and even nicer to see people in suits, dresses and black socks and not in wicking clothing.

I must say, we were a stunning table.

I knew a lot about the details of the wedding because Brian and I had talked about it. He had told me he and his mom were going to dance to Natalie Merchant's Kind and Generous. We all know how I feel about Natalie and I was so thrilled he picked that song. So as he is dancing with his mom I start to think about when my two get married and I lean over and whisper to Aquaman, "Just think one day Drew and I will dance. I can only hope he picks out such a beautiful song." He responds, "I'm betting he picks Tarantula by The Smashing Pumpkins."

OMG, wouldn't that be awesome moshing with my boy at his wedding????

Here's Natalie singing Kind and Generous and Break My Heart (and this version of the song will break your heart.)